Line of Fire
by DeanLittle67
Summary: When Gabriella Dawson returns from Iraq, she never thought it would follow her back. Dawsey.
1. Chapter 1

September 2013

Gabriella Dawson stepped into Chicago O'Hare for the first time in thirteen months. Her uniform cleanly worn, posture straight. But it wasn't necessary. She was now a civilian, but her twelve months in Iraq had taught her otherwise. There was no such thing as a civilian when it came to war, everyone was affected. She glanced around at everyone passing by, having their own careers and families to go back to. All she had was Antonio, who she could see rushing through the crowd. She'd never seen her brother running towards her, not since…

"Antonio!" she called out, walking towards his running frame. When they met, he embraced her like he never had before. She could feel his body shaking, could tell he was crying. "I'm okay, 'tonio," she assured him. "I'm home." They stood like that for a few minutes, not many people paying attention to the embrace in front of them.

"You ready? The place is all set up and read for you," he told her. When she'd been deployed, she'd ended her apartment lease, but when it came close, Antonio got her a new place. Hell, he'd even helped her get a new job - Paramedic In Charge at Firehouse 51. She nodded, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and hers around his waist.

When they stepped out of the airport to his car, Gabby was bombarded by the sounds of the city. She was used to bombs and guns and yelling and quiet. She wasn't used to cars and horns and the sounds of city life. She'd been in Iraq for twelve months for God's sake! When she got back in, she was glad for the quietness.

"It'll take readjustment," she reminded herself before Antonio got in the car. She tossed her bag in the backseat and placed her hat on her lap. A part of her was terrified of the readjustment. She'd seen so much, been through so much while she was over there. She'd seen men and women whose limbs had been blown off due to an IED, or those whose gunshot wounds mangled their bodies. And now she was back in Chicago where there really weren't any dangers. But just being in a car going down the highway made her feel like at any moment they could hit an IED.

"So, what do you want to do first?" Antonio asked. "We can go out to dinner, or eat in? See a movie?" Gabby just looked out the window. Everything appealed to her. She was out, she was free. No commands or orders to follow. She made her own choices now, and doing so wouldn't end with her or someone else's death.

"I just want to chill for a little while, readjust. I'm not really ready to go out in the world yet," she admitted. Being in her apartment for a few days would probably help, and then she'd ease herself back into a normal routine. Antonio nodded, understanding.

Within twenty minutes, Antonio had pulled up outside of her new apartment building. She looked at the towering building. It loomed over her, over them like a monster. And it was to her. It meant moving on, being her own person again, trying to forget the nightmares she saw.

"Thanks, 'tonio," she said, leaning over the seat and grabbing her bag out of the back. When she leaned back up, she turned to him with a smile.

"I'm glad you're back, Gabby," he told her again, leaning over and hugging his little sister again. When they pulled away, Gabby looked at Antonio and then back out the window, the city looming over her. Fear may have engulfed her, but at the same time, happiness did too.


	2. Chapter 2

October 2013

Gabby had been back in the United States for a month when she started at Firehouse 51. She woke up that first day at 4 in the morning, getting into her routine. First, she went for a two mile run around her neighborhood, arriving back at her apartment twenty minutes later. Afterwards, she showered, dressed, and ate a quick breakfast of an apple, banana, and coffee. She'd usually watch the news, but today was different. She packed her overnight bag: shampoo, conditioner, soap, comb, towel, extra socks, extra uniform, street clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss. Once that was done, all she had to do was walk to work. Antonio had found her an apartment less than a mile from Station 51.

When she left, she double checked the doors were locked. It was a habit she'd picked up long before she went to Iraq, before joining the army. Antonio taught it to her, their little secret. Locking a door wasn't really a secret to anybody, but to them it was because of their circumstances. She shook those thoughts from her mind, walking out of her building and into the street. The past month had given her time to readjust, and it had definitely helped. She could walk out and hear the sounds of the city and not be terrified anymore. She could get in a car - even though she prefered not to - and not feel like she was about to die at any moment. Occasionally, she'd hear gunshots. Those were what sent her reeling back into combat, but she always came out of it with one phone call to Antonio who'd come over and watch a movie or have pizza and help her through those memories.

She made her way down the road, seeing her new second home in the distance. A camaro was parked on the street in front of a seemingly beat down pickup truck. She smiled as she neared, smiled as she opened the door and walked onto the apparatus floor.

"You must be, Gabriella," she heard someone say from the doorway leading into the main hall of the station. She looked over, seeing a young man barely older than herself with dark hair and almost grey eyes.

"Yeah," she said, head nodding upwards slightly. "Gabby, or Dawson," she said, hating her full name. Walking over, she could tell he was a nice guy.

"I'm Lieutenant Severide - Squad 3. You can call me Kelly, or Sev," he responded holding his hand out towards her. She took it firmly, giving it a slight shake. "Chief Boden wants to meet you. I'll show you to his office." She nodded, following Severide, hearing laughter coming from the kitchen. The twists and turns brought them to the bullpen where Boden's office was located at the back.

"Chief," Severide said, knocking on the doorframe. "Dawson's here." Boden nodded motioning for them to come in as he finished typing an email.

"Welcome," he then said, standing to shake the girl's hand. "I've heard a lot about you from your brother." She smiled, knowing that was something Antonio would do - talk her up to be someone she really wasn't, setting high standards and expectations.

"Thanks, Chief. For agreeing to let me work here after getting back," she replied, still smiling. "Sometimes, people think PTSD or wanting to be with our families means we want desk jobs."

"It's the least I could do," Boden told her. "Go ahead and get a locker. Severide will show you around a little bit. Truck's lieutenant is running late, so you'll meet him later. So, just get to know the place and the people. And if you have any problems, let me know." Gabby nodded before walking out of the office and back into the bullpen. She had a feeling that this was going to be a good fit, that she would love this job.

"I'll find my way," she told Severide as he shut Boden's door. He just nodded, leaving her to find her way around. It wasn't like it was going to be difficult. A firehouse wasn't a maze that would entrap her, it was a building with a few rooms that served as a second home, just like the barracks had. She hoped the solitude would set her mind at ease, the nerves building.

Within a few minutes, she'd found the locker room and showers. She picked the locker to the right of Severide's hoping that maybe it would enable a possible friendship. Packing her stuff into the locker was the easy part, setting up pictures like everyone else not so much. She had a picture of her and her old partner - Vivian Williams - and one of her of her and Antonio. Her family was never one to take pictures unless it was a formal occasion, which left her with very few pictures of her parents. She shut the locker on those thoughts, making her way back to the common room and sitting at the table.

"Hey guys," Severide called out to the men and the one woman, "this is Gabby Dawson. She's our new PIC on 61. Introduce yourselves and be kind. She's not used to the crazy yet," he finished with a laugh, sitting next to the blonde woman, arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"I'm Leslie Shay," the blonde said, "your partner on ambo." Gabby nodded, not up for chit chat. She just wanted to take it easy. She heard the door leading inside from the apparatus floor open and shut, not seeing who it was, not caring who it was. The transition was harder than she thought it would be. She just wasn't used to a normal life, not after 2 years of her life being controlled in every aspect.

"Ambulance 61, Squad 3, Truck 81, Engine 51, Battalion 25. Structure fire, Ogden and Cermak," the automated voice said after the tones dropped. Gabby got up with everyone else, getting into their respective vehicles and heading out. Out of habit, she automatically got in the passenger seat, a year of knowing driving was dangerous, especially if you were the first one to leave - which ambo was on this call. She sat next to Shay, a woman she barely knew, and expected Shay to get her there and back in one piece - something she barely trusted Antonio to do most days.

"So, what's your story?" Shay asked her, taking a sip from the McDonald's cup next to her without taking her eyes off the road. Gabby shrugged, knowing Shay wouldn't see it but not really knowing what to say.

"Got back from Iraq a little over a month ago. Before that, I was an EMT in Detroit. Joined after learning they'd pay for school, but all I wanted to do was save people so I became a paramedic before getting deployed a year ago. What about you?" she asked the other woman. In the distance she could see plumes of smoke coming from a storefront.

"Didn't know what else to do with my life, so I did what I thought would be easy. Damn, was I wrong about the easy part, but fell in love with it," Shay responded, parking the truck three-hundred feet from the scene. The rig had barely stopped when Gabby hopped out, walking around to the back and getting the stretcher out. As she was doing so, 81 and Squad rolled up.

"Severide, you guys check the basement. Otis and Cruz, vent the roof. Herrmann and Mills, you're gonna be with me to sweep the place." Everyone responded in their own ways. She didn't know who it was who was talking, but the voice sounded familiar.

"Was that 81's lieutenant?" she asked Shay. The voice sounded so familiar, but no face or name came to mind. But she knew she'd heard hundreds of voices in Iraq and even more in training, let alone before that.

"Yeah, and he's one hell of a hottie," she replied, gently elbowing Gabby in the ribs. "And if I wasn't hella gay, I'd want to tap that." Gabby chuckled, feeling as if she'd known this woman her entire life. They were joking, laughing.

Gabby stood there with Shay and Boden, waiting for the men to come out of the building safe. She'd never been in this situation before, playing a waiting game like this. She was used to being in the front-lines, not letting someone take what could be considered glory. The glory of saving those serving. Glancing around, she met eyes with Boden - receiving a reassuring nod. When she looked back at the building, she saw the men come out. First, Severide and Cap, then Mills and Herrmann with whom she presumed to be Truck's lieutenant hung from there shoulders head hung and very limp.

Shay was the first to take action, rushing over to them with the gurney. Gabby found it in her to follow seconds later. She took off the jacket as Herrmann explained what happened, "We were doing a primary search and a beam came down." Taking the trauma shears, she cut through the clothing, seeing scrapes and bruising along his torso.

"C-collar him," she told Shay, sliding her hands under his body to check for bleeding or any major injuries on his back. She didn't feel any. "Let's get him in the rig. Herrmann, you're going to be driving. He nodded as she and Shay got the man into the back, getting in themselves after the gurney was secured.

Shay started attaching the leads to his chest, getting his rhythm visible as Gabby did a head-to-toe assessment - but backwards as to not disrupt Shay's process of the leads and an IV. She noted no abnormalities of the lower extremities other than a few lacerations and bruises - she did take notice of the bruise on the lateral left thigh. The abdomen showed no signs of injuries, nor did the chest or arms. The neck was fine, and then she got to the head and face.

"Oh my god," she said to herself, looking over at Shay. Shay looked at the man then back up to Gabby, not understanding. There were lacerations on the face, a bruise across the right cheekbone, and he most likely had a head injury, but nothing that would make the phrase needed.

"What?" she asked Gabby, still not understanding.

"He's alive."


	3. Chapter 3

"Dawson," Boden said, rousing her from her thoughts as she stood against the wall in the waiting room. The others were sitting around the room, some leaning on each other, others slouched over onto their knees. She saw Kelly and Shay curled up together, possibly sleeping. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"Yes, sir?" she replied, standing up right and looking at him. Her arms were behind her back, standing in the ready stance, waiting for an order. He shook his head, "Good work out there." She nodded and returned to her previous position.

She didn't know how long they had been in that room, in a type of purgatory. She wasn't used to waiting. She was used to being on the front lines, to being the one taking care of the wounded. Never did she expect to be the one waiting. She looked around the room, remembering names and faces. Remembering what they were doing when they were put in the waiting situation. Not only was it calming, but it helped heer judge how they would react in similar situations, how calm they were going to be during the bad times.

"Chief Boden," she heard a woman say as she walked up to the man. Boden shook her hand, but remained silent. Obviously he knew her, and it seemed like everyone else did also. Shay stood up and walked over.

"How is he Kendra?" Again, it was obvious that the others knew Kendra. She stood back in the ready-stance, preparing herself for the worst. That was to be expected when you've spent the last year seeing limbs torn from bodies, and blood everywhere. Times where you hold a person's intestines in your hands, or hold an artery shut while you wait for a way to get back to base. And then the times where someone who's coughing up blood - knowing well that they won't survive this - asks you to call their family, to reassure them and give them the last message or photo.

"He has a pretty bad concussion, and he lost a good amount of blood into the thigh, but he's going to be fine. I don't suggest he go back to full duty for a couple weeks, but riding along and giving the orders will be fine starting next shift. He'll be out tomorrow, just want to observe him for the night." Dawson nodded her head while the others muttered their thanks to Kendra. She looked over to Shay who was giving her a look that she didn't even want to know what it meant. When Shay walked away, Dawson followed. Once at the end of the hall, Shay stopped and turned quickly to face her.

"What the hell were you talking about in the rig?" she asked, hushed but aggressive. Her hands were on her hips, head cocked to one side waiting for the answer to the question, a story Gabby never wanted to have to relive.

"I'll explain after shift. I just want to get back to the house and get the next twelve-hours over with," she replied, hoping Shay would forget in that time. However, a part of her didn't think that would happen. Shay seemed to be one to hold on to those kinds of questions.

"Back to the house," Boden called out to everyone, and they followed the order. Dawson followed Shay out of the building and back to the rig. The ride was quiet, only the sounds of the city passing. She glanced back and forth between Shay and the road until they got back to station. The rest of the shift passed by almost uneventful. They had a cardiac arrest, and a house fire, but nothing out of what Gabby could presume to be the ordinary.

When shift ended, Shay walked up to Gabby at the lockers with another look Gabby couldn't quite decipher. "Let's go grab some breakfast," Shay suggested. With a small smile and the roll of the eyes, Gabby followed Shay out of the building and out onto the street. "There's this really awesome diner a few blocks away." She nodded at the suggestion again, walking with Shay.

"So, I guess you want that question answered?" Shay glanced over with a small smirk as if she knew she had won. "I'll answer all your questions _after_ we get food." Gabby smirked back, knowing that for just a moment she was the one who'd won. When they arrived at the diner, Shay chose a booth towards the back of the room, secluded even. It definitely made Gabby feel safer.

"So?" Shay asked right after sitting down. "You've got to meet me halfway on this." Gabby nodded, looking out the window.

Gabby had just joined the army, laying in the barracks after a long day of training. She thought she was in shape for this, but she wasn't. She didn't feel like she could handle it all. A rebellious personality did not fit in well to the idea of every aspect of their life being taken from them. But she knew what she'd gotten herself into when she joined, and it was too late to leave.

Within the first two months, she'd given into the control and it was a weight lifted from her shoulders. And she'd excelled once she'd given in. Top of everything, setting new records. Every drill, every run, every practice she'd done better than everyone. There was no competition for her. So, when she was eventually deployed, she felt like it would be a piece of cake. That was until she met her commanding officer - Matthew Casey.

He challenged her in new ways. He pushed her to be the very best, hell, because of him she was the best he had. They became friends, and when neither of them were on shift, in the middle of the night they would talk about fears and hopes and random ass shit. And that was the downfall of the situation. She was babied at times, most likely his fear of losing his friend. Rarely was she in a convoy, never leading or driving when she was. She was based in their makeshift hospital most of the time until it was absolutely necessary that she go out into combat.

It was seven months into her deployment when she and Casey both went out in a convoy. Gabby was in third, Casey in second. Everything was going fine, until the explosion and confusion. When Gabby came to, she could hear screams and could see blood. She walked away with minor injuries, others not so lucky. She helped who she could, tourniquets and makeshift splints. And then she got to Casey.

She had been taught to save the living and pray for the dead. She couldn't do that to Casey though. She knew he had Hallie waiting for him back at home, he had family and friends who needed him. She removed the protective clothing, watching others who hadn't been injured working on those who needed help. When she started CPR she was afraid it wouldn't help. He most likely had internal bleeding, a head injury, something that would make her efforts useless. She could feel ribs breaking as she kept doing compressions. She could hear other superiors telling her to stop, to help those who really needed it.

By the time others came to the 'rescue' she didn't know how long she'd been sitting at his side, making sure he maintained his pulse. It had taken her twenty minutes of compressions to get it back - a miracle. Out of the twenty, eight succumbed to their injuries, and seven were in critical condition. When those who were injured were sent out to first-world country hospitals, she knew she wouldn't know if Casey had survived. She'd written to Hallie several times, but never got a response, leading her to assume her friend was dead.

She spent the remaining months volunteering to go on missions, on patrols. She had lost the one person who had made this decision make sense. She'd lost plenty of other people - Vivian in Detroit, her parents, countless others in the army. But losing Casey had hit her the hardest. That loss was the one she'd carry around, knowing she couldn't have done anything more for him and still lost him.

Until today. Until she found out that he was alive, and that she saved him the first time around, and now the second. She looked at Shay after recounting her tale, looking at the sadness and pity in the other woman's eyes, and she couldn't take it. It was the reason she wanted to keep those memories to herself, wanted to shove Iraq into the back of her mind and forget about it. Now she couldn't, now she never would. Every time she looked at Casey, she knew it would be a painful reminder along with a very bittersweet one.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews and feedback. It means a lot to know that people are actually enjoying this story as much as I am with writing it.

The 48 hours off shift allowed Gabby to consider where to go from here. The memories were bombarding and she really didn't know what to do. Should she stay at 51? Should she leave the CFD? A part of her knew she wanted to stay, to be around Casey again, to know he was alive and well, but that part of her running from Iraq wanted to keep running. Her mind wouldn't be able to handle the constant reminder.

Despite the confusion, she tried to maintain her routine. Antonio had always taught her that in the times you doubt your choices, you have to stay in the routine those choices made because it helps you decide where to go. So, she went on her jogs and ate healthy. She had Antonio and his family over. She had a rom-com marathon and kept unpacking her things from storage. She kept the routine until her next shift when it was time to swerve into another.

When she arrived at the station, she went straight to her locker to change. Once finished, it was to the common room to lounge around, have some breakfast, and catch up with her partner.

"Hey, Dawson," Shay said from her chair. "Kelly and I were going to have a few people over after shift. Wanna come?" Dawson nodded before sitting down and turning to the morning paper. She heard and saw people move around her, but she didn't see Casey - not for a what seemed an eternity. Then he walked in, grabbed some breakfast from the spread Mills had made, and sat down across from Gabby. She wondered if he knew who she was, if he recognized her after the trauma of both Iraq and the previous shift. Neither of them said a word, and she saw Shay glance between them several times.

When the tones dropped, their eyes met and she saw a flash of recognition across his face. "Ambulance 61, injured person, Ogden and West 13th." She and Shay both stood and went to the ambulance, getting in and heading out.

"It feels like he doesn't know who I am," Gabby told her on the way. Shay just shrugged, continuing to drive.

"He took a couple good blows to the head since the last time you saw him," she replied, partly joking, but also serious. Gabby nodded, knowing the other woman was right. When the pulled up, they saw a man standing outside - waiting. The rig stopped, and they jumped out. Shay got the stretcher and jump bag.

"We were rearranging furniture when she just fell," the man said, leading Gabby inside - Shay just seconds behind. Once she took in that the scene was safe, she turned her attention to the woman on the floor. She looked to be in her late forties, with an open break to the femur.

"Shay, I need you to stabilize the leg with pillows and tape," Gabby instructed before taking vitals. Everything was within the normal limit for the type of injury sustained. Afterwards, she started an IV and gave the woman some painkillers. When everything was done on scene that needed to be done, Gabby helped Shay load the woman onto the stretcher and then into the ambulance before transporting her to Lakeshore.

The run was nothing abnormal, nothing interesting - run of the mill osteoporosis the woman didn't realize was that bad. Once back at the station, it was back to lounging until something better to do came around. And for Gabby, it took less than ten minutes for Shay to practically drag her to the bunk area and point out Casey's quarters.

"Shay, I can't," she muttered to the woman, low enough where hopefully nobody would hear. Shay gave her the look she'd given her the other day, Gabby naming it the 'come on' look since that's the closest message she could come up with that it conveyed. "Things didn't really end well when it came down to it, and then I didn't know he was alive for almost a year. No phone calls, no letters."

"Well then, it doesn't hurt to try. By the way you told it the other day, you guys were really close. He's gotta remember something about you," the other woman responded. Gabby nodded, hoping that Shay would stay near-by in the case things went south in the room. With a deep breath, she walked over and knocked on the doorframe.

"Sir," she said, using the same tone she would have if she'd still been in the army. Eyes forward, standing at the ready. She knew this was her friend, but at the same time she knew he was still her superior. It wasn't that though, it was the fear that made her so formal. He turned to her, eyes meeting. He didn't say anything for a moment, but she could see the recognition in his face.

He stood up, positioning himself in front of her. "I didn't hear from you, and now here you are," he said, almost a scowl on his face. "You still got guts." She could hear the hatred and the sarcasm dripping from each word.

"Matt, I wrote. I called. Hell, I thought you were dead for a year!" she growled, anger rising. "Or did Hallie not tell you?" He continued to stand there, not moving, not saying a word until she stormed away. Once to the doorway of the sleeping quarters, she turned back to face him. He was now standing outside his quarters, facing her.

"Twenty minutes, Matt. I worked you for twenty minutes, and then sat by your side for God knows how long. And this is how I get thanked, with anger and hatred?" She rolled her eyes, waiting for how he was going to respond.

"Save the living, pray for the dead." She scoffed, walking out and not looking back. The hope she had was gone. Things weren't going to be the way they were, their friendship was ruined with what she could only think of as lies. He didn't understand what she had done for him, going against direct orders to save him, for sending countless letters that she never got replies to.

"I'm not gonna come tomorrow," she told Shay back in the common room. "I have some things I have to deal with instead." Shay nodded in understanding, and Gabby could only hope she had some understanding of what had just went down. She was filled with so much anger and hatred that she couldn't think straight, she couldn't concentrate.

The rest of the shift had a cloud of anger over the house. Tensions were high when she and Casey had to interact, or be around each other in general. That night, she sat on her bed, knees pulled to her chest with silent tears. The person she considered her best friend didn't trust her, didn't believe her. The one true friendship she'd had was gone.

When the shift ended, she walked home in the rain. She focused on the sounds around her, on the rain pounding against her figure. She went through the grounding technique that Antonio had taught her. But it didn't help. As soon as she walked through that front door, things were being thrown across the room, screams and cries filling the air. Glass shattered, holes were made in the walls. All that pain and anger she had was let out in a fit of unadulterated rage.

At the end of it all, she had a pounding headache and a tearstained face. She curled up in her bed, still in the rain soaked clothes she'd walked home in. But sleep didn't come. Instead, it was staring at the wall as images flashed through her mind - the day she joined the army and how proud Antonio was, the days of hell in basic, her deployment, Iraq. There were so many images of Iraq, of combat and patrols and the pain and fear and blood that she'd felt and seen. There were the memories of those late nights where she was afraid to sleep, of the nights she'd curled up next to Casey talking about going home. There were the nights on patrol where she could hear the gunfire in the distance. And then it came down to that fateful day, she played it over and over and over again in her mind. The explosion and confusion, and the choice to try and save her best friend over those still alive.

She didn't know when she'd fallen asleep, or how long she'd been asleep. Glancing around, she saw the mess she'd made for herself. But there wasn't any anger at that moment, but rather numbness and a looming sadness. She stood, peeling off the clothes from earlier in the day and changing into sweats and a tank-top, stepping around the glass and other objects strewn across the room. Curling up on the couch and covering herself with a blanket, she sat, not thinking about anything to do with Casey or Iraq. The numbness was engulfing, slowing her mind to a crawl and fogging it with a haze of confusion and lack of desire.

Eventually, she heard a knock on the door, but didn't answer. There was no energy to get up, no will to move. She heard the lock click open, hearing the door open and the crunch of glass underneath boots. Someone sat next to her, pulling her into them. In that moment, she let the tears fall again as Antonio soothed her. There were no expectations, no need for a story or a reason. That didn't matter to him, as long as his sister was okay. And she was far from it, his words ringing in her ears. Save the living, pray for the dead.


	5. Chapter 5

November 2013

Ever since that talk with Casey, Gabby had been in a haze. She couldn't tell if it was because of the encounter or if it was the reverse culture shock taking its toll on her. What she did know is that every day passed in a blur, barely remembering what happened. Only, she wished this forgetfulness would include Casey and Iraq since those were the only things she could seem to remember every detail about.

"I'm Gabby Dawson," she said to the people in the room. "And I have PTSD." They all said 'hi, Gabby' as this continued around the room. It hadn't been her idea for a support group, but rather Chief Boden's. He seemed to know when things were happening with those in the firehouse and knew how to help to an extent. Plus, he really didn't give her an option to go or not. Get help or take time off was his ultimatum.

Since this wasn't her first meeting, rather her fourth, she'd decided to finally share the struggles she went through. The group consisted of several other veterans, an abuse survivor, and a survivor of a terrorist attack, the leader of the group being a survivor of Katrina.

"I thought moving to Chicago, being near family, would be a good decision when I came back. And I thought it would be perfect," she bit her lip slightly with a chuckle. "Until I found out I was going to work with my old commanding officer, a person who I'd become friends with. A person who I thought was dead after the IED." She glanced around, taking a deep breath. "He remembered who I was, but he's harboring so much anger towards me and I don't understand why. It's like he wished I'd let him die, and ever since that confrontation… The flashbacks have gotten worse, I can't sleep." She leaned on her elbows on her knees, cradling her head in her hands.

"When it comes to seeing those from the trauma, it's difficult for most people," Amy - the group leader - said as others nodded. "He's probably feeling similar feelings, confusion and that anger that can build up with PTSD. When it comes to flashbacks, depression, and the insomnia you have to keep yourself healthy. Take melatonin to sleep, be around friends and family to help with the rest." Gabby nodded, leaning back in her chair. She took it at face value, thoughts racing as the meeting continued around her.

When it was all done, she left and headed home. It wasn't that far of a walk, but it was cold. The air bit at her skin through the jacket she'd worn. Stay healthy, take Melatonin, try her best to be happy. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but it wouldn't be the hardest thing she'd ever done.

As she walked up to her apartment, she couldn't stop thinking about Casey and about what Amy had to say. They were two sides to the same coin, more or less. Gabby was the one who'd internalized everything, leading to this slippery slope of depression and self-destruction, Casey had pushed those around him away with the outward displays of his anger.

"Hey, figured you could use some company," she heard Shay say from beside her door. With a chuckle, she let the woman in and followed behind. She tossed her jacket on a chair and walked to the kitchen.

"Want a beer?" Gabby asked. She heard an agreement from the living room, so she grabbed a couple, handing one to Shay when she went back. They both fell back onto the couch, slouching while taking sips from the bottles of sweet, sweet relief.

"Kelly took Matt out for drinks," Shay told her. "He and Hallie finally broke up." Gabby nodded, not really caring. She knew it was Hallie who'd kept the letters from him, kept the calls from him. Was she protecting Matt from his past? Was it jealousy? She didn't know, didn't want to find out the reasoning behind it. She just knew she wanted to blame someone, someone who wasn't Matt.

The next morning, Gabby woke up on the couch, curled up to Shay not really remembering much after that conversation. She was actually glad she could forget, and maybe she could forget everything else too.

"Hey, Shay," Gabby said, nudging the other woman in the ribs with her elbow enough to wake her up. "We gotta get to work." The other woman grumbled, but got up and grabbed her jacket.

"You drivin'?" she asked, and Gabby chuckled. She grabbed a hoodie and led Shay outside, starting the short walk to work despite it being freezing and snowing outside. Shay muttered under her breath, but kept walking with Gabby.

When they walked into the apparatus floor, Shay turned to Gabby. "I'm ninety percent sure I'm a popsicle. Invest in a car," she said with a smile. Gabby chuckled, both of them making their way to the locker room.

Over the past few hours, Gabby had laughed more than she had in awhile - even if she didn't remember most of it due to intoxication. Her body recognized the happiness and it lit her up, made her just a little more optimistic about her situation. She didn't feel like she was in a fog, instead, she felt like laughing with Shay was something they'd done their entire lives together, as if they'd always been around each other. In a way, Shay was a saving grace for Gabby.

Both women had changed into their uniforms and were walking back into the common room when somebody caught their attention. "Gabby, can I talk to you?" she heard Casey ask from behind them. She let out a sigh and turned around, nodding towards Shay that she was going to be okay. The other woman kept walking as Gabby walked towards Matt.

"If you want to be harsh again, I don't want to hear it," she told him, voice soft as she took deep breaths to keep herself grounded. "Anything negative, I don't want to hear." Casey nodded. "Hell, why should I even listen to what you have to say?" She took a deep breath, holding back the anger and waiting for Casey to talk.

"I wanted to apologize," he told her. "I never got any letters or calls, and I found out why." She waited, knowing she already knew the answer. "She didn't want me to remember Iraq. I was having a hard time remembering my own name most days at the beginning, so she didn't give me the letters. And when I was remembering, she kept them from me. She thought she was protecting me, and I blamed you for that. I didn't know, so I'm sorry for the way I treated you." She nodded, a small smile on her face. As she turned and walked away, she hoped Matt would understand.


	6. Chapter 6

December 2013

It was the worst ice storm the city had seen in awhile, as well as Gabby. She hadn't seen snow in over a year, hadn't experienced the biting cold of a windchill of 45 below. It was all a mixture of the winter of the midwest and the Lake effect Chicago had, the cold winds blowing over the water and into the city. She was so not ready for it, didn't have good enough gear to get her from home to work without turning into an icicle.

"Hell of a storm," she told Shay as she walked in, blowing onto her hands and hoping feeling would return soon. The other woman nodded in agreement with a sound of disgust towards it. As she walked through the house, she could feel something in her bones - something wasn't quite right at 51, but she didn't know what. She did know that it was always a good idea to follow that feeling and not brush it off. When she got to her locker, she saw Herrmann and Mouch talking with Casey. Everyone got quiet when she walked in.

She looked at them, taking in the situation and their expressions. Matt's back was to her and she could see the scars from the blast before he pulled his shirt on. Turning around, he gave her a smile and a shoulder pat before walking out of the locker room. Herrmann and Mouch looked at her, at Casey, to each other, and then back to her. Herrmann shook his head, leading Mouch out of the room. That gut feeling had told her something was up, and now she knew it was.

When she made her way back to the common room, the chatter continued this time. She took her usual seat next to Shay, Kelly being at the Squad table today. She knew Shay was gay, but if she wasn't, she and Kelly would be perfect for each other. The friendship they had was stronger than any relationship Gabby had ever seen. It worked, they made it work. That was something she never had.

"Ambulance 61, Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Battalion 25. Structure Fire, Cermak and Kedzie," the automated voice said after the tones dropped. Everyone got up and rushed to their respective vehicles. Dawson pulled on her protective jacket and gloves, trying to make sure she'd stay warm because she had no idea how long she'd be outside today.

She wondered how a fire could burn in the winter, the battling of the extremes. Kind of like her and Casey, not really battling but rather a duel where neither wins. All that's left is pain and destruction, and that's why she had to walk away. That's why she had to hope he could understand the need for time, to defuse any leftover anger or resentment of what had happened.

When they rolled up to the scene, she could see the entire building wasn't engulfed. It looked to be a hardware store, which she knew would not end well. Both paramedics got ready for the worst, knowing there are many flammable items in a hardware store as well as accelerants and other materials that would aid the flames.

"Truck 81, vent. Squad 3, do a search," Boden told them. She assumed that because the building was smaller that they didn't need both Squad and Truck to do a search, putting her a little bit more at ease as they waited. She watched Cruz and Otis ascend the aerial to the roof, saw Casey waiting by Boden as Severide, Cap, and Tony all went inside the building. She turned to Shay, knowing that Kelly going in always made her nervous. A reassuring shoulder hug and hold helped Shay stay calm.

"We got propane in here, Chief," Severide said over the radio. "We're pulling out, getting to sketchy with the tanks." Shay tensed up a bit, waiting for them to leave the building. Less than a minute later, Severide and his men exited and a few seconds later the tanks blew.

"Didn't see anyone, but we couldn't go further than we did, Chief," Severide said to Boden. "Had to keep us safe." Boden nodded, a hand on his shoulder. Everyone knew that Kelly did what he had to, even if that meant during the secondary search they find a body.

"Let's go defensive," Boden told his men, hoses at the ready. She was surprised the water didn't freeze as soon as it came out of the hose, Gabby shivering as the wind picked up. "81, Squad, 61, go ahead back to the station." She didn't need to be told twice as she hopped in the ambo, trying to warm up by blasting the heat.

"You think you're going to survive this?" Shay asked with a laugh. She scowled at the other woman.

"A year in the desert definitely beats a day in this. I'd rather it be sweltering hot and being shot at than be in this weather," and she was serious. What she'd gone through wasn't a joke, but she'd trade the heat for this anyday. Shay chuckled. "Maybe a vacation, that would be nice."

"We'd all like a vay-cay," Shay responded with a longing sigh. "Beaches and hot chicks and all the drinking we can handle." Gabby laughed, turning to her friend. It was nice she could consider this woman, someone she'd met two months ago, as a friend. In those two months, they'd seen a lot together. They'd been through a lot together as partners and as friends. Shay had been there for her with her breakdown the previous month, Gabby had been there for Shay with one of the worst break-ups she'd ever seen - and that was saying something.

In those moments, Gabby wished she could have what she and Matt had back. She wanted to be able to talk to him, for him to hold her and comfort her on those bad days. She realized what she wanted, and then the impact happened. One second she was thinking about Casey, having a laugh with Shay. Then the next, the ambulance was being thrown through the intersection by a semi-truck running a red light.


	7. Chapter 7

Gabby wasn't sure what had happened as she came to. Her head hurt, she couldn't move her right leg or arm, and as she looked over, she saw Shay bleeding and unconscious. She couldn't reach over to Shay or the radio she'd tossed up on the dash without the tearing sensation on her right side. Then she heard it over the radio, the call to station 51 to respond to their two car accident.

As she sat there, she could feel herself drift in and out, waiting and hoping help would come in time. She didn't know if Shay was alive, if either of them were going to make it. It terrified her, made her feel like she was back in the war zone. Only this time it was on home soil, on her turf. She wiggled her fingers, her toes, and kept her head still. She hoped they would make it in time to get Shay to the hospital safety, hoping to get both of them out of the cold. The sirens could be heard coming in fast.

"Gabby!" Casey called out at the same time Kelly called out, "Leslie!" She could feel her heart rate increase as she tried to stay still, tears in her eyes feeling like they were freezing as soon as they hit her cheeks.

"Get us out!" she called out to Casey as he came up to her window.

"Cover your eyes," he told her, so she turned away as he broke the rest of the glass off of the window as Kelly did the same on the other side. Gabby looked at Matt, looked in his eyes and she really knew what she wanted, what she hoped to have with Casey.

"Intrusion into the passenger side, pinning her in," Casey said to Severide. "What do you have on that side?"

"No vehicle impact or damage, about to get her out." Casey nodded and turned to Gabby. She closed her eyes, knowing there might not be a good way to get her out without causing damage. Her arm was pressed painfully snug against her side, her leg trapped between the dashboard, the seat, and the car door.

"We're going to get in on the other side and get the dash pushed forward, then, we're going to pull you out the other side," Casey explained. "And I'm going to be standing here, talking you through it the entire time." She took a deep breath as he put the c-collar on her, seeing Otis get in on the other side with the jaws.

"Do you remember that time where it rained for two days and the camp flooded?" Casey said to her. "And everyone was freaking out, but you turned to me and told me what to do."

"Hell, you were the only one who freaked," she replied with a chuckle. "Someone needed to get you to calm down." Casey nodded with a laugh.

"You're going to feel some shaking, a little pressure," Casey told her, taking her free hand in his. "Just breath through it like I taught you."

As he said that, she remembered that day. It had been a rough week, those going out having been fired on every day. She had confided in Casey her fears of going out, but she didn't want her fears to persuade him into keeping her at the base. She didn't want him to see her as a coward - even though she knew he never would. So instead, he taught her grounding techniques, some of the same ones she used on a bad day back in the states, and breathing exercises to keep her calm if things got rough.

She breathed through it, holding onto his hand. "Is Shay okay?" she asked him, partly wanting to know and the other part scared to hear that it was worse than she'd thought.

"She's on her way to Lakeshore," he replied. "We won't know how she's doing until we get there." Again, she let out a breath and took in a deep one. The vibrations stopped almost as quick as they'd started and she felt Otis laying the backboard across the driver's seat and console before pulling her onto it.

"Let's get you out of here," he said, and she smiled, letting go of Casey's hand as she's pulled from the ambo. Once out, they laid her backboard on a gurney and she was pushed into the back of another ambulance. She wished Casey would be with her, but she knew he'd be at the hospital.

She zoned out as the paramedics worked on her, splinting her arm and leg, taping up the gash on her forehead. They checked Glasgow, reactivity, memory. She didn't know how well it went, didn't really pay attention to most of it. Her mind was on Shay, on those moments before the accident. Even though they weren't at fault, it felt like she could have done something different, done something that would have prevented the accident. If she'd told Boden they were going to stay on scene until it was over with, had they filled up on the way back, had they stopped and grabbed something to eat. She questioned her own actions, as if she'd been the one behind the wheel that had put Shay in this situation.

"Semi versus ambulance, GSC of 14, possible fractures of the right arm and leg, 4 inch laceration to the right forehead from glass upon impact. Intrusion on victim's side of the vehicle," she heard one of the paramedics say as they wheeled her into the ER.

She pretty much slept through her x-rays and CAT scans after they gave her pain medications. She had a hairline fracture on her ulna, but other than that she walked away with a few scrapes and bruises. This didn't stop the doctors from keeping her overnight, sleeping almost from the time she got to the ambulance until she woke the next morning in a hospital room with Antonio asleep in the chair next to her bed.

"Hey, 'Tonio," she said, tossing a pen from the bedside table at him to get his attention. When he woke up, he gave her a smile.

"Had me worried." She shrugged, giving him the look she always did, the 'You can't get rid of me that easy' look. He nodded.

"How's Shay?" she then asked, needing to know. The expression that crossed his face made her stomach churn, knowing it wasn't good.

"Brain swelling. She's in a medically induced coma until it resolves." She shook her head. "You on the other hand. You're gonna be in an arm brace for a few weeks until the fracture heals, maybe a leg brace if you're in too much pain walking around."  
"It should be me in her bed. I was the one on the side of impact, how did I walk away from it?" He cocked his head, and she realized that would never be answered because she was the only one who thought it.

"How 'ya feeling?" she heard Herrmann say from the door, Casey standing next to him.

"Like I've been hit by a truck." They all chuckled, happy to know her sense of humor was still intact, and walked in.

"Chief says you can come back when you're ready and medically cleared. If you need to, take some time," Herrmann told her. She nodded a thanks and looked at Casey. "I'm gonna go see how Severide's holding up," he then said. She understood, knowing Kelly and Shay were close and that he may not be taking it as well as the others.

"I gotta get to work. Told them I'd come in once you were awake," Antonio followed, standing and leaving alongside Herrmann. That left just her and Casey.

"Thanks, Matt," she told him in almost a whisper. He sat in the chair next to her and took her hand.

"Figured I had to repay you for the two times you saved my life," he joked, eliciting a smile from her. "And when you get out of here, I'd like to take you out." She smiled, not sure if he was serious or not, hoping he was.

She felt guilty, having this happy moment while just rooms away Kelly was crying as he held Shay's hand, hoping that she'd survive. She felt guilty that she walked away from this while Shay's fate hung in the balance. But she'd been through so much, been hurt so much that she knew Shay would be happy for her, knew Shay would be okay with this had she been awake. Despite the guilt, Gabby allowed herself to feel true happiness for the first time in a long, long time.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews. It definitely keeps me motivated. Sorry it took so long for the update compared to the quickness of the others. I slammed out a chapter for later on in the story that I'm really excited to get to! Hope you all enjoy, and thank you again.

Gabby walked out of the hospital the next day, Shay still in the medically induced coma with Kelly by her side. She stopped in before leaving, holding her partner's hand and telling her words of encouragement - hoping she could hear them. Kelly didn't say anything, giving Gabby a look of sorrow as if Shay had died.

She took a cab home, the wind too icy and the air too cold for her to walk - not to mention the many miles between the two destinations. She didn't have the courage to tell Casey she was out yet, didn't want to bother him with whatever he was doing. Instead, she got home and took a long, warm shower to clear the thoughts and the worries from her mind and body. When she was done, she laid on the couch and refastened the brace on her arm. Her leg didn't give her any problems, so she left that brace in the corner hoping to not have to use it.

The doctor had told her she'd be out for three weeks on paid medical leave until the bone was stable enough to work with again. He prescribed a minor pain killer since being in a car wreck can cause pain to last for several weeks as the body healed. Even with Casey's offer, she really didn't want to leave the house, and with that she hoped he wouldn't call. It was easier for him to forget than for her to tell him 'not today' even though she knew he'd understand given what she'd gone through.

She didn't know how long she'd slept for, but woke to a knocking at the door. Outside, she could see the sun barely setting over the horizon. She got up, walking over and opening the door to see him standing there with take-out in tow.

"Figured you might be hungry," Matt said, stepping in and sliding out of his shoes and jacket. She nodded before sitting back down and propping her feet up on the table. He quickly followed, sitting beside her and laying the spread out around her. "You feelin' okay?" he then asked.

"Yeah, just tired. Sore. Worried," she said almost absentmindedly as she picked up a piece of pizza from the box.

"To be expected," he reminded her. As they ate, they really didn't talk much. It was more of taking it all in, readjusting to being around each other. It wasn't nearly as easy as she hoped it would be, prayed it would be. She was stuck in the mindset that things hadn't changed, that they never could have changed. At one time, talking to each other was the easiest thing to do and she wasn't ready to let go of that memory. And it seemed like Casey didn't either, just by being there meaning that he didn't - at least to Gabby. She glanced over at him, leaning back with his eyes half-closed, and she couldn't help but smile at how relaxed he was.

She woke up the next morning curled into him on the couch. "Good morning," he told her, smiling. She groaned, not ready to be awake, and still sore from the accident. He held her close, letting her take it all in for a little bit longer. She felt like if she let go, he would disappear, like it was all a dream.

"Let's go see Shay," she told him, finally sitting up. He nodded, standing and helping her up. "I have cereal if you want some," she added before walking to her bedroom and changing into a new pair of sweats and an old army hoodie she'd gotten right after joining. When she walked back out, he was sitting on the couch again with his head in his hands. She walked over, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"You okay?" she asked. He laughed slightly, like he used to when he was nervous or scared. After a moment, he looked up at her, eyes rimmed red.

"You scared me the other day," he told her. "It could have been you in Shay's spot right now." She nodded, knowing that very well. "It could have been you in my spot in that convoy." Again, she knew that very well could have happened. "And I got a glimpse of how you felt that day when I heard that call over the radio." She sat next to him, embracing him in a hug to let him know that she was here and that she was fine.

"Let's go," she said after a couple minutes, standing and taking his hand once he stood. They walked out, Gabby locking the door behind them. His truck was parked across the street from her building. It was warm, a refuge from freezing winds and creepy cab drivers. He started it up, and they drove in silence, Gabby holding his hand on the way. She still didn't like cars very much, even though she was in an ambulance every time she went to work, and now she definitely didn't like cars after her last shift.

They pulled up to Lakeshore, parking in the lot across the street. It took her a minute to build the courage to get out of the car, to go in and see her best friend in a death-like state. When she did, Casey wrapped his arm around her shoulders and they walked in together. She realized that since things were better between them, that they were talking again and being around each other, she didn't have to go through rough patches alone. She had Shay, she had Casey, she had an entire family at 51.

When they got up to Shay's room, they saw Severide first. He was still sitting in the chair next to her bed, like he hadn't moved in the past two days. And for all she knew, he hadn't. He would be going home to an empty apartment, going home to ghosts of memories rather than going home with his best friend. However, after stepping into the room, they saw Shay - awake.

"Hey," she said to them, turning her torso rather than her head to look at them. "How y'all doin'?" Gabby smiled, looking at Kelly who had a grin on his face.

"How long you been awake?" she asked the other woman. Shay shrugged, and Gabby laughed. "That long, huh?"

"I'll give you two some time to talk," Kelly said, pulling Matt out of the room. Gabby walked over and took the seat he had been in, taking Shay's hand in hers.

"You scared me," Gabby admitted. "I thought I was going to lose my best friend."

"You can't get rid of me that easily," Shay reminded her, and Gabby nodded knowing it was true. You can't get rid of friends that easily. Shay was alive after a horrific accident both were lucky to survive. Casey was alive after almost being blown up. Both were still there for her, both were still alive and well. And so was Gabby, and they wouldn't get rid of her either.


	9. Chapter 9

January 2014

It was Shay's first day back, and Gabby was extremely excited. It hadn't been the same since Shay was gone, the laughter a little quieter in her absence. But, she was back, and everyone was in a good mood. The air still bit at their skin, and the snow and ice never calmed down, but at 51 it was warmer and more welcoming.

Gabby had been sitting on the couch, watching a sea-life documentary with Cruz. Both of them were hating the weather, wanting to be someplace warmer. So, they lived vicariously off the shores of Australia and Florida and Mexico. They saw the animals swimming in the warm waters and they could almost feel it on their skin.

"Look who finally showed up," Severide said from the doorway, arm around Shay. Gabby looked up with a smile as everyone crowded around and gave the paramedic hugs. She stayed where she was at though, knowing she'd have plenty of time to catch up - even though during the past month she's pretty sure she's seen Shay more than she had since she started working at the CFD.

After turning back to the television, her mind started wandering. Over the past month, she'd been struggling again. Whether it was from almost losing Shay or from the accident, it was affecting her. Nightmares, flashbacks, the whole shabang. And she'd turned to Matt. He'd been there to talk to, have movie nights. When Shay wasn't there, he'd become her best friend - not to say that Shay wasn't still her best friend, but she'd had things to get through that Gabby couldn't help with. Gabby had needed someone to be there, and Matt had been.

When the documentary was done, she stood and walked to the sleeping quarters where she knocked on Casey's doorframe before entering. She sat on his bed cross-legged while he worked on his paperwork. This was almost routine for them, sitting in silence doing their own thing.

"Shay's back," she told him, opening her book to the saved page. He turned to look at her, Gabby glancing up from the book.

"That's good," he reminded her. "I think you'll both be happier." She nodded, understanding what he meant. Then, she turned back to her book and he turned back to his paperwork.

When the tones dropped, they both looked up. "Ambulance 61, Truck 81, Squad 3, Battalion 25. Motor Vehicle Accident, Roosevelt and Cermak." They both got up and went to their respective vehicles, Gabby waiting for Shay.

"Welcome back," she said as the other woman got in the ambo, heading out. Shay smiled, hand taking Gabby's. She knew what it meant, and that's all that matters. She and Shay had such a good relationship that sometimes words didn't need to be said. They knew what the other was going to say. Then Shay glanced over.

"What's going on between you and Casey? I think you'd be the perfect couple." Gabby laughed at the idea. She and Casey were just friends, at least she thought so. She wasn't so sure about her feelings, not wanting to be sure. All she wanted was what she had, didn't want it to change. At least she didn't think so. Again, she wasn't sure what her feelings were.

"We're friends, Shay. Just like you and me. It's nice to be able to talk to him again." She nodded as she talked. Nodding to herself? Or was she nodding to make herself agree with what she was saying?

They rolled up on scene, parking beside Truck 81. Gabby got out and looked at the situation. One SUV and a sedan, head-on collision. Airbags had been deployed in both cars. She walked up to the SUV, glancing inside without getting too close if the car was unstable. Inside, there was one victim in the driver's seat, conscious and yelling out for someone to get her 'the hell out of there.' The other car was a driver and a passenger, both unconscious. The force of the impact would definitely play a huge factor in that.

"Three victims," she called out to Boden, who radioed for two additional ambos. "Cars might be unstable."

"Casey, you get the sedan. We've got the SUV," Severide said to the other lieutenant. Both men took their teams and started on stabilizing the vehicles. Because the woman in the SUV was conscious and obviously alert - maybe not so much oriented - Gabby made the call for her and Shay to start with the other two victims in the sedan.

It didn't take long for Casey and the others from Truck 81 to get the car stable, so Gabby and Shay got to work quickly. Both victims were put in c-collars, both had vitals taken and were scaled on the Glascow-Coma Scale, both scoring very low.

"We've got to get them out," Shay told her. Gabby agreed, standing up.

"How long on a second ambo?" she asked Boden. He looked between her and the victims.

"Five minutes, at least," he told her. She let out a sigh of defeat, grabbing one of the backboards and turning to the men.

"We've got to get them out. One on the gurney, the other we're gonna load onto the bench-seat. Otis, you get to drive. Now, let's do this." They started on the driver, getting him out and onto the backboard and into the ambo on the bench-seat. Then they got the passenger out and onto the gurney. She knew it was going to be tough working on both in the back, but they had to get them to a hospital and it could not wait those five minutes for a second ambulance.

She and Shay got into the back and started working the patients. Twelve-leads, IVs, they played the whole game - every angle. They splinted, bandaged, but for some reason Gabby felt like it was for nothing. She didn't understand why, considering both patients were still alive. But she knew car accidents that caused that much damage to the vehicle would cause a thousand times more damage to the body inside.

What mattered was that when they got to Chicago Med, both patients were still alive. That was her job, and she needed to remember that. Whatever happened in Chicago Med after transfer of care wasn't her responsibility, wasn't her fault. She'd followed protocol, had done everything right.

After shift, she'd gone straight home - Casey dropping her off so that she wouldn't freeze on the way. Her mind was still racing after that call, caught on that one thought she'd had. She didn't understand why she'd felt like it meant nothing, and to be honest, recently, she'd had those thoughts more often. She had started feeling like her job was for nothing, that if everybody died, why did they try to stop it?

She lounged on the couch, drinking a glass of wine while watching the news. The accident was being covered again, and she'd heard it. The crash where they'd taken all three victims to the hospital alive had turned into a fatality - the driver of the sedan. Her heart stopped for a minute as she processed the new information. She wanted to call Shay, but she didn't need to know if she didn't already. It wasn't something to be spread about. Instead, she'd sat with the news still playing, but the run replaying in her mind. What had she done wrong?

As she was going over it over and over again, there was a knock on the door. She didn't want to get up, didn't want to see who it was, but the knocking persisted. So, she'd stood and walked over, opening the door to reveal Casey.

"I heard. You okay?" he asked. She nodded, leading him inside. The last couple months where they'd been talking again had let her think through everything that had happened, what they'd had before the IED and after. The struggles she'd gone through in those times, trying to get her feelings in order and get their friendship back on track. What she was about to do would put all of that in jeopardy.

He turned around to say something when she'd pressed her lips against his. She could feel him tense up for a moment before wrapping his arms around her and deepening the kiss. She was caught off guard, not expecting him to reciprocate. Once she realized he was, she pressed herself against him, their lips and bodies melding into one.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I just wanted to say sorry for the delay in this chapter. I hit a writer's roadblock, along with studying for the most important exam of my career: The National Registry for EMTs. So, I hope you enjoy!

February 2014

The past month had been great for Gabby. Being with friends had grounded her when it came to being with Casey, which left her up in the clouds. Her, Kelly, Shay, and a few others from the firehouse would regularly go out - along with Casey. But she enjoyed their company, enjoyed the stories and the fun they all shared.

Behind closed doors, she enjoyed Casey even more, but they weren't out to everyone else. She liked keeping him to herself, not having to share details with anyone. Behind closed doors, they were like every other new couple still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. No arguments, no problems, just all the fun stuff. And she wished that it would last, but she knew it only lasted so long.

Their first big argument was February 10th. After a long shift the day before, they'd spent some time apart and then came back together the next day. They both vented about the runs, about the problems - the usual thing for them. Towards the beginning they'd decided to not keep everything in, to talk through the rough parts of their everyday life to avoid accumulating stress. And then he'd said it, "Why can't we tell anyone?" A harmless question.

"Because once people know, it's not going to be the same," she'd responded, wondering why he'd brought it up in the first place. The decision not to tell anyone was mutual - at least she thought it was. Or maybe they'd run out of time during that grace-period of ignorant bliss.

"How? I want to shout from rooftops that you're my girl. What's so wrong with that?" She looked at him, puzzled. What was wrong with it? Everything was wrong with it. Once they'd told people, she thought things would go south. Boundaries and rules that shouldn't be in place would then be there. There wouldn't be spontaneity because people would expect them to be together all the time, to go to all the same events. She felt like it would ruin what they had.

But she knew he wouldn't understand that. He was the type of guy who _would_ shout it from rooftops. He was a fast pace type of guy, and she wasn't the type of person who rushed into serious things. And this relationship, what they had, she saw as serious. She saw what it could be, and it scared her more than anything. She was trusting someone with everything, and she knew they could overturn everything she had if things went south.

"It's just not the right time," she told him, hoping he wouldn't push it further. He let out a sigh and stood. She looked at him, straight face and serious.

"Let me know when it's the right time," he told her before walking out. She shook her head, thinking he was acting childish. It had been a month of wonderful bliss, but the bliss only lasted for so long.

She'd had Shay over the next day, had told her everything. About her and Casey, about the fears and the wants, about the argument, about her insecurities when it came down to it. Shay'd been quiet the entire time, waiting until Gabby was done to reply.

"One, you two make a great couple, and I called it pretty much as soon as you opened up to me in the diner. Two, you're fears are valid. Relationships are scary, but you have to work through the problems and be completely open when it comes to those fears. Have a complete discussion, not just saying no. Now, it's time to drink." Gabby nodded and chuckled, getting up and grabbing the wine from the cabinet.

The next day she spent thinking about what Shay had said. She knew relationships were tough, that they required work, but it was hard to talk about those feelings. She guarded them with everything she had, not wanting to show signs of weakness. That was another thing Antonio had taught her growing up. Never let someone in, even if they were family. The only person she could ever let it was Antonio. She knew how to let Casey in, and it started with home.

She picked up the phone, texting him to come over and then got ready. It was going to take a lot of explaining to even try to cover the insecurities she had. When he got there, she didn't talk, just led him to the couch and sat next to him.

"I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit," she'd started. "With an alcoholic father and a mother who prostituted herself, divorced. It was pretty much just me and Antonio."

The first time she understood her situation was when she was six, She'd had a thin jacket, gloves with missing fingers, and shoes with holes in the soles. She didn't understand her teacher's concern at school, until she'd talked to Antonio, who was ten at the time.

"It's because we're poor, Gabby. We can't afford good stuff." She didn't realize it was because her father spent his money on alcohol, or that her mother did drugs. When she was seven was the first time her father hit her, and when she was nine her mother died from an overdose. After that, she really understood that all she had was Antonio. When Detroit Child Protective Services caught wind of their situation from another teacher at their school, they'd been moved to a foster family.

When the first foster family didn't work out, they were bounced to another, then another, and the cycle continued until Antonio turned eighteen and moved to Chicago with Gabby. She had her problems, they both did. But authority was something Gabby never listened to, which led to a couple weeks in juvie. Nothing major, just because of behavioral problems and acting out.

So, when she turned eighteen, she'd moved out, gotten a job, and found a real nice guy. Until he treated her like her father did, and she kicked his ass to the curb and spent the next week crying at Antonio's apartment. Twenty-one years old, she'd sworn growing up she'd never drink, but that night she got so hammered that Antonio had to scrape her off the floor. She'd had a minor problem when it came to impulse control and when to stop drinking when she and her friends when out partying. Then, at twenty-four, she'd joined the army, and Casey knew the rest.

"The only other person who knows any of that is Antonio," she finished. "And that's why I have problems letting people in, and that's also why Antonio goes with us to the bars," she'd added a bit more lightheartedly.

"I promise you that you can trust me," he said, holding her hands. "And that I would never do anything to hurt you purposefully." She nodded, actually believing him. "And I won't pressure you into telling anybody about us, I'll make sure you're one-hundred percent ready."

"I kinda told Shay," she said with a smile, knowing it was progress, but also knowing that the entire house would know within a week because she can blab. He smiled back, leaning in and kissing her. She was glad to have this all sorted out and for things to be back on track.


	11. Chapter 11

March 2014

Gabby woke up, curled next to Matt. It was something she would never get used to. His warm body pressed against her was like a comfort blanket on a scary night. His arm was wrapped around her, unconsciously pulling her closer. She closed her eyes again, not ready to get up and face the world, not yet. She wasn't ready to go to work or face the struggles that came with it.

"Hey," he said, still half asleep with eyes half-closed. They both smiled, staying where they were at for just a few more seconds. Once they'd both built up enough courage to get out of bed, they got ready for work and Casey grabbed them breakfast from the kitchen - him a cereal bar, and her an apple. Rather than walking, they got in Casey's truck - there was still a chill in the air that neither wanted to face for a mile walking. Their mornings usually didn't involve much conversation, but focusing on the task at hand. She felt the army had something to do with that for the both of them.

"So," she said once they'd gotten in the truck. "I'm ready." He turned towards her as he started the engine, confused at first. "To tell people. I'm ready." With that final explanation, he smiled and took her hand in his. They drove in silence except for the radio which was on a talk-radio-station. She thought of the coming difficulty of telling people, of their reactions. She hoped they were good, but she knew there was always the possibility of someone reacting negatively. Again, she hoped nobody would.

They pulled up to the curb outside of the station, and Gabby readied herself. She had a simple way to tell people, and not a single word would be spoken. They'd just act like a couple, they didn't need to announce it. To her, coming out to people didn't need to involve a conversation because there was nothing to say. She and Casey were together, and nothing was any different other than the way they'd act at work. Not saying that it would get in the way, which it wouldn't, but there was no reason to hide affection. Shay and Kelly did all the time, but they weren't dating, however, it was very similar in her mind. They got out, Casey grabbing both of their bags and walking around. She took his hand when he reached her, and they walked in together.

When Shay saw, she gave Gabby a thumbs up, and Gabby smiled. She was truly happy, and that made her happier. She took her bag from Casey and went ahead to the locker room to change. As she walked out, he walked in. So, she made her way to the living room and took her seat at the table. She could smell that Mills was cooking breakfast.

"So," Shay said, taking a gulp from Severide's coffee mug, "what's new in the life of Gabby?" She smiled, and Gabby knew she was leading her into saying something, but she wasn't going to and didn't need to.

"Same old," she replied. Casey sat next to her and took her hand in his again. Herrmann looked at them, then to Otis and Mouch.

"March sixth! Y'all owe me," he said to them, as well as most of the Squad guys. "I called it months ago, and you guys all thought it would take such a short amount of time. Well, I know both them guys. I called it!" Gabby laughed and looked at Matt. She should have bet they'd have a pool of when they'd come out as a couple. He smiled back and kissed her cheek. She felt so relaxed, not hiding anything. It made her feel much better about everything.

"Truck 51, Squad 3, Engine 51, Battalion 25, Ambo 61. Car Accident, Interstate 94 one mile north of the Roosevelt Entrance," the automated voice informed them seconds after the tones dropped. Everyone got up and went to their respective vehicles, ready for the worst.

"I hate interstate accidents," Shay told her as they buckled up. She put the sirens on and headed towards the accident. Gabby had never responded to an interstate accident, not even in Detroit. There it was mostly gunshot wounds or accidents on regular streets. "They get messy fast, and it's dangerous for everyone involved."

When they got on the interstate, it was a standstill to the point they had to drive in the emergency lane to get to the accident. People were honking their horns and others had gotten out of their cars to see what was going on - a dangerous decision in any circumstance. When Shay stopped the vehicle, Gabby saw the mess that they were cleaning up. She heard helicopters overhead, sirens coming from the north and south. They got out and she really took it all in - a pile-up. At least ten cars, meaning at the worst they could have upwards of forty victims to care for. She saw smoke coming from several of the cars, people yelling for help. When she looked further ahead she saw the reason for it all, a tipped over semi truck.

"Let's deal with what we can near us, wait for the guys to secure further away," she told Shay, and the woman nodded in agreement. She walked up to the first car, single driver no passengers.

"Ma'am, can you hear me?" she asked. The woman nodded, obviously shaken up over it all. "Are you hurt?"

"I don't think so," she told them. Gabby opened the door and turned to Shay.

"Go ahead and get the triage set up," she then told Shay, opening the car door and walking the woman over to the ambulance. She hung a green tag around the woman's neck and went to the next car. By the time everyone else had gotten through, they'd gotten four out of cars and to the side of the road.

"Next vehicle is smoking, gonna need help," she told Boden as he walked up. He motioned for the members of 81 and Squad to come over.

"Severide, you and your men are going to work on that semi. Casey, you and your guys are going to help Dawson and Shay." Both lieutenants nodded and went their respective ways. Casey walked up to Gabby, waiting for her to tell them to do something.

"We have a twelve year old in the front passenger seat of the next car in line, but we can't get the door open and we can't pull him through," she told Casey. He turned to his guys.

"Cruz, get the jaws. Herrmann, get ready to pull the kid out when the door's open. Dawson and I are going to get in the back, keep him good while you guys get that door off." Everyone nodded in agreement to the plan. Casey helped her into the car through the back window, following behind. She put a c-collar on him and Casey covered him with a fire retardant blanket.

"Hit it," Casey told Cruz. "Just hold still buddy. We'll get you out," he then assured the boy. Gabby could see more smoke coming from the hood. She glanced at Casey who was looking at the same thing. The door came off and Herrmann pulled the boy out just as the hood caught fire, spitting it through the vents. Casey pushed Gabby down flat on the seat, covering her with himself.

"Get that under control!" she could barely hear Boden yell, then the sounds of silver bullets making it die down. "Bail out!" Boden then yelled to them. Casey sat up, boosting Gabby through the back before jumping out himself. Once they were both out, the flames roared back.

"I'm okay," he told her. She smiled and went back to work. This wasn't the time or place to talk about it, But she definitely needed to talk about it at some point.

It took four hours for the entire thing to get resolved. When they got back to the station, Gabby got out and stood by the storage room. Casey walked over, a smile on his face.

"You scared me," she told him. He shrugged.

"I had to protect you somehow. And I have to fill out some paperwork for the incident and for a new jacket," he told her, turning the jacket to reveal severe damage to the protective layer from the fire. She gave him a kiss before he walked away. When he left, she let out a sigh, glad he was okay at least. She sat down next to Shay and leaned against her.

"You okay?" the other woman asked, wrapping her arm around Gabby. She just nodded, closing her eyes. She worried about him all the time, but today was different. Today, he risked himself to save her. That was never on the table, but now it was. And it scared her, it scared her to know that he'd do anything for her. She'd always known he might, but now he really showed it. He really showed that he loved her.


	12. Chapter 12

April 2014

Gabby had just finished cleaning up while Casey was out doing a construction job when there was a knock at the door. When she opened up, Shay was standing there with a bag in hand and in tears. Gabby led her inside, and sat her on the couch.

"Hey, what's going on?" she asked, handing Shay a box of tissues. The woman sniffled and wiped away the tears before leaning against Gabby.

"Me and Kelly got into a huge fight," she told her. "He's changed and I know why, but I never thought things would come down to this. Can I stay here for a while?" she then asked.

"Of course," Gabby replied. "I'll get the guest room setup. Stay as long as you need to." Shay smiled and gave her a hug. Gabby didn't know what was going on, but she hoped it would blow over, Leslie and Kelly were the best of friends and she didn't understand how something could change that. It must have been really bad to make her walk out.

After Gabby finished getting Shay's room ready, she walked back out to the living room where Shay had fallen asleep on the couch. She sat down in the chair and opened a book, curling up under a blanket and reading. It was quiet, peaceful, but she knew her friend was hurting and she wasn't sure what she could do for her.

Casey came back not much later. She heard him come in and hushed him, motioning to the couch then to the bedroom. He nodded and walked into the other room, Gabby not too far behind. She glanced at Shay one more time before shutting the bedroom door behind her. When she turned to Casey she gave him a look of desperation, sadness, and confusion.

"Is there a reason Leslie's asleep on your couch?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. She rolled her eyes and huffed.

"Kelly apparently did something very bad - she won't tell me what - so they aren't living together and I'm not sure if they're even speaking to each other," she told him, sitting next to him. "What am I gonna do?"

"You'll help her through it," he responded, wrapping his arm around her. "Like you always do." She nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder. "And I'll talk with Severide, see what's going on from his end." She smiled, knowing he had her back.

"I wanted to bring something up," she said, changing the subject from Shayveride to them in one quick motion. He looked at her, waiting for what she had to say. "So, you're over here a lot, like I don't even know if you ever go home," she started, laughing a little bit. He chuckled along. "And, I was thinking, what if we move in together?" It was something they'd talked about a few weeks ago, just tossing the idea around but not considering it at the time.

"Well, would we want to stay here, at my place, or get a new place?" he then asked. She hadn't given that too much thought. She liked her location, liked the space at his place, but she kinda did want a fresh start.  
"A new place," she told him. "We can bounce back and forth until we find the right place." He nodded with a smile, kissing her forehead and hugging her to his side. "Pizza sounds good," she then said as she realized she hadn't eaten today and that she was fairly hungry.

"Sounds good to me, but you're gonna be the one to wake the sleeping bear," he said, grabbing his laptop from the bedside table to order online. She stood up, gently faux punching him in the shoulder before walking back out into the living room. She shook Shay awake.  
"Come on, Leslie," she said, shaking a little bit more. "It's time to eat." With the promise of food, she woke up with a groan.

The rest of the night, all Gabby could think of was the problem between Severide and Shay. What could he have done that would put a rift between them? What could be so bad to do something like that? She didn't talk much at dinner, but Casey and Shay had been talking about the Blackhawks most of the night, about life in general - gossip, games, and women. When it came time to go to bed, Shay parted ways and went to her room.

"Night," Gabby said right before Shay shut the door. She heard the lock click, and then turned to Casey. He shrugged and stood, taking her hand and leading her to their room. They got ready for bed, then laid down. She curled into him as he wrapped his arm around her. "I'm worried about her," she confided.

"I know you are, but we're gonna figure it out and help them figure it out too," he assured her. She hoped he was right. She couldn't imagine what Shay was going through right now, couldn't imagine how she'd feel if this was her and Casey.

The next day at work wasn't easy. It felt like there was a rift. Severide and Squad stayed at the Squad Table. He didn't converse with anybody outside of Squad, didn't eat with anybody else. Rather than eating what Mills made, they'd ordered in. Gabby could tell Shay wasn't holding it together very well, so they'd played the same rules and stationed themselves out of the station - Boden approving after noting all the tension. Gabby hoped Casey could get to the bottom of it before they got back to the house at the end of the night.

"It's gonna be okay," she reminded Shay as they sipped on their coffee. The other woman nodded, not saying anything. "What did he do anyways?" She took another sip of coffee, eyes widening slightly.

"He's been drinking more than usual," she told Gabby. "And it's started getting out of hand. I gave him the ultimatum and he chose, knowing it runs in his family." Gabby couldn't believe Kelly Severide could have a drinking problem. Okay, maybe she could. But she never would have thought it could be true. She'd never seen him drunk, never seen him drink a lot at once. But, she knew she could get through to him. Casey knew she'd had the same problem, had kept her in line when they were out at the bars with friends. And she hoped he'd support her in talking to Kelly after shift.

The rest of the shift was uneventful: a minor car accident, faulty fire alarm, and a kid with a broken arm. When it was time to go, she hung around Kelly's car, waiting. She'd already sent Casey to his place where they were staying that night and Shay back to the apartment for some alone time that she probably needed. She saw Kelly walking towards her.

"I don't want to talk," he told her, tossing his duffel in the back. She sighed.

"Shay told me everything," she confessed. "I've been where you're at Kelly." He rolled his eyes as if he didn't have a problem and started to get in the car. She stood in front of the car.

"Out of the way, Dawson," he told her. She stood there, not saying anything, not moving. She moved whichever way he tried to pull out until he got back out. "I'm listening."

"Get help," she told him. "I told you, I've been where you are. Antonio had to vouch for me, to get me help so I wouldn't get a DUI. Partying every night, drinking the hangover away. It helps you relax, unwind. Our jobs are stressful, but something pushed Shay over the edge. You pushed her away, Kelly." He sighed, crossed his arms and leaned against the car. "And if you don't get help, you're gonna fuck up and you're gonna lose this job. You're going to lose what you worked for. Consider it, and if you decide it's worth it to get the help, come talk to me." She turned away, not wanting to see his response, not wanting to hear a word come out of his lips. He had thinking to do, and she had to let him do it - they all did.


	13. Chapter 13

May 2014

She could hear PASS alarms going off around her, smoke and dust filling her lungs. She tried to stand, but she was stuck, couldn't move. She didn't know what was going on. What was going on? Think. Think. Think. She remembered going into the building, remembered trying to get the victim out. She remembered hearing the mayday on the radio, could hear Otis yelling about propane. Then, nothing. Why couldn't she remember?

"Hey, babe," she heard Matt say from behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist, and she smiled as she poured her coffee. They'd stayed at separate places, both working on packing since they'd found the best loft in Wicker Park together. She hoped Shay would understand when she broke the news, hoped that the woman would be okay on her own without Kelly. "I missed you." She heard 'aww's from behind them, knowing the house was looking at their rare, real display of affection.

"Gawk all you guys want," she called out to them, taking a sip of her coffee. He repositioned, arm around her waist as they walked over to their seats at the table. "What's for breakfast, Mills?" she then asked.

"You'll see," he responded with a smile. Mills was one of a kind in this house. Everyone was, but Mills… He brought youth back in. He was the youngest by almost ten years, being only twenty-two and the second youngest being Gabby at twenty-nine. He fed them, humoured them, and he worked his ass off to be accepted in this house. Hell, he was just weeks away from getting transferred to Squad.

Their first run of the day was an oil fire in a kitchen. Sometimes they all wondered how basic fire-safety skipped over people, or flew over their heads. For example, you never put water on a grease fire, and that idiocy cost this family their kitchen.

When they got back to the house, she saw Shay and Severide walk into the conference room in obvious disagreement. She shook her head and sat down, waiting for Casey to show after he worked on his paperwork.

"I want you to try this," Mills told her, sitting next to her with a plate of stuffed mushrooms. "I'm trying it out for the dinner, and I wanted your opinion." She picked one up and tried it, shocked by the flavor bombarding her.

"Wow," was all she could mutter before taking another one. He smiled, leaving the plate for her. She sat, reading the newspaper and eating the mushrooms when Casey walked in with a look of astonishment on his face.

"Shayveride is in a yelling match," he almost whispered as he sat down. She rolled her eyes, almost expecting it. Those two were fire and ice, and both had been known to be stubborn assholes when it came to tough situations - or most situations for that matter. They all stayed where they were, more or less, until the tones dropped again.

"All units respond, warehouse fire, 47th and Archer," the automated voice said. They all stood, and she flashed a smile at Mills before getting in the ambo.

"Everything okay?" she asked Shay. The woman had a scowl on her face and peeled out of the station like a mad-woman. That answered her question better than any words ever could.

When they got to the scene, smoke was pouring out of the upper floors, but not so much the bottom. They all got out, and Casey, Boden, and Severide got the plan straight before sending in both teams. Shay and Dawson waited outside, waited for them to come out.

"Hey, Chief, we have a vic on the first floor," Casey called into the radio. "Heading up." Boden signaled for Shay and Dawson to retrieve the victim since it was near the entrance. Once they got to the patient, she could hear crackling on the radio, but couldn't make out what the voice was saying - or who it was.

"Secure an airway," she told Shay. The woman complied, working on intubating.

"We have propane upstairs, Chief," she could make out, Otis on the radio. "Not looking-"

She kept trying to get her leg free, but it was caught at the ankle that she couldn't work her way out of. The PASS alarms were going off above her, beside her, on her. She coughed a few times, trying to get a good breath of air. She could feel pressure on her chest, and the room was still spinning. She kept replaying the sound of the explosion, and it sent her back to Iraq, to the IED, to thinking she'd lost Casey.

"Shay," she called out, needing an answer. She needed to know it wasn't happening again, that she wasn't going to lose anybody this time. "Shay!" She heard rubble move from beside her and a woman groan.

"Dawson, you okay?" Shay asked. "I can't move." Dawson sighed, one down, ten to go. She took a few deep breaths again, breathing in the dust and smoke.

"Same, my ankle's caught on something." She heard a voice on the radio, concentrating long enough to hear the voice on the other end.

"Anyone from 51, report!" she heard Boden yell. "Mayday! Mayday, emergency! Mayday, Emergency!" She could hear moans coming from all around as more people started waking up. She reached for her own radio, hoping it would work - praying it would work.

"Chief, it's Dawson. Me and Shay are stuck, but we're alive," she told him. She could only imagine him giving a sigh of relief. She could hear someone screaming from above them, obviously injured, but she couldn't do anything for them when she couldn't do anything for herself.

She had no way to determine how long they'd been trapped, only imagining being with Casey again. There was no way to know if he was okay. Boden had tried to get through to the men, but there had been no answer which meant that either the collapse was worse than they'd thought it was, or that the radios had been damaged in the explosion. Shay had kept her calm, knowing that this could bring back the memories that she didn't want to remember. When she'd seen someone walking towards them, she wanted to cry.

"Get us out," she growled at the person. The man kneeled beside her, putting on a c-collar, and she could see another man doing the same with Shay. "What's going on?"

"I'm Chout, that's McAuley. We just got here, and you two are the most accessible. We're going to get you two out of here and to Chicago Med," he told her. She sighed, knowing she had no choice in the matter. There was a high risk of spinal injury, and by refusing care she knew it increased the risk of exacerbation or serious complications if there was. He and McAuley rolled her onto a backboard. "We're going to come back in for your partner and bring her to the ambulance. Chief Boden will stay with you until we get back," he informed her as they lifted her, moving her out of the building to the ambulance. She saw Boden rush over, taking her hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked. She nodded the best she could, sighing from relief. "Everyone else is going to be fine," he reassured her, probably knowing how worried she was. He had a way with everyone, knowing what was going on and what people worried the most about.

"You'll call if you hear anything, right?" she asked. She had to know when Casey was out and if he was okay. He nodded again, moving out of the other paramedics' ways as the loaded Shay in on the bench seat. A firefighter from another house that was called in drove them as Chout and McAuley worked on them: IVs, splinting, bandaging, monitoring.

She didn't know how long she'd stayed conscious, but she woken up in a hospital bed not remembering anything after being loaded into the ambulance. She hit the nurse's call button, needing answers and pain killers.

"You're awake," she heard Herrmann say from the chair in the corner of the room. She groaned, head killing her. She didn't think of the explosion or not knowing what happened. She was still _way_ out of it, probably a concussion. "How you feeling?" She groaned again. The nurse came in and assessed, shining bright lights into her eyes before giving her more pain medications.

"How's Shay?" she asked. Shay was the last person she remembered seeing before she passed out. He scooted the chair over and she prepared herself for the worst case scenario.

"She's fine, a little banged up, but better than you," he assured her. "Severide has a broken leg, but he's good. Capp and Toney are fine also, just scrapes and bruises. Cruz the same, Otis has some internal bleeding and he's still in surgery." She was trying to remember the names of those he hadn't said yet.

"Mills, Mouch, and Matt?" she asked. He sighed, and she knew something bad had happened.

"Mouch got pinned under a concrete slab. He got transferred to the University of Illinois Medical Center, they're hoping to reverse some of the paralysis. Matt has broken ribs, also some internal bleeding, but they're hopeful. Mills' breathing apparatus failed after taking damage from the collapse, but they said he most likely died upon impact from the amount of damage to his skull, rather than suffocating." She sighed, knowing that the house was going to have a hard time dealing with this loss. She'd just been talking with him at the beginning of the shift, he'd made her mushrooms, and he was supposed to be joining Squad next month.

"How are you, Herrmann?" she then asked, realizing that she hadn't questioned him about himself.

"I walked out with some bruises, but that was it. I was one of the lucky ones," he told her. "You have a pretty bad concussion, you tore up your tendons in the ankle that was pinned in the rubble." She sighed, not sure what that meant for her job. Most of those in the house who had to stay in the hospital knew their jobs would be back, but that didn't mean that the timing would be how they wanted it.


	14. Chapter 14

Two weeks later, she was sent home with a walking boot. Casey was stable, but he still had a few more days in the hospital to ensure the bleeding didn't restart. She stopped by Casey's room to see how he was doing after everything that had happened. In the two weeks they'd been there, they'd only seen each other a handful of times.

"Hey," she said, sitting in the chair next to him. He smiled and took her hand, groggy and a little bit out of it. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired, sore. I just really want to go home with you." She nodded, wanting the same but knowing he had to be better first. They were all processing everything that had happened. Otis was doing better, had woken up a few days later to find out he no longer had a spleen. He was just _so_ overjoyed. Boden had been by to check up on everyone, letting them know that Mouch had feeling back except in one foot. That made them all happy, knowing that everyone was okay.

"I can't believe he's gone," she told Matt. He sighed, kissing her hand.

"Neither can I." Despite the past two weeks having been good with people getting better, with them rallying together, it still hadn't sunk in for most people that Mills was dead. It felt like he'd walk through the door with a plate of food any second, and she would hold her breath until it ended up being someone else. She could tell Matt blamed himself when Mills was brought up, but she kept reminding him that it wasn't, that it was the wrong spot in the wrong place at the wrong time.

They sat there for a while until she realized he'd fallen asleep. With that, she stood and walked out, far too ready to go home. She knew Shay was waiting at home, ready to have her back. She hailed a cab, got in, and told him where to go. Her mind still was stuck on Mills, the shift playing over in her head - before the run, the explosion, the confusion. In the two weeks she'd been in the hospital, she hadn't slept a full night, a mix of nurses and flashbacks. Not to mention the upcoming funeral in a few days, one that some from the house wouldn't be able to attend.

When the cab pulled up to her apartment, she payed him and walked inside. The walking boot put a damper on everything, damn achilles. She walked in, first noticing the smell and then noticing the lunch Shay had started.

"I didn't know what you wanted, so I made a little bit of everything," the woman said, obviously stressed out. Gabby smiled and sat at the table, Shay joining her. "And it cleared my mind."

"Thanks," Gabby told her, getting a plate and filling it with food even though she knew she wouldn't eat half of it. The pain meds were messing with her stomach big time with some severe nausea. And she'd been right, Shay had eaten most of the food while Gabby worked on her first plate.

"How's everybody doing?" Shay asked while cleaning up. "I haven't really heard much, didn't want to go back there." Gabby understood, the only reason for her to go back now was Matt.

"Otis is awake, but missing a spleen. Matt's coming home in a few days. And Mouch regained most feeling, except for one of his feet." Shay smiled and sat on the couch, head in hands. Gabby could hear her sniffling, and she knew this entire ordeal was taking a toll on everyone. She walked over, sitting next to her friend and pulling her into a tight embrace. "It's gonna be okay," she said. "We're all going to get through it." The two stayed there, Shay curling into Gabby more.

She kept playing it over in her mind. Going into the building, starting to work on the patient, Otis yelling into the radio, the explosion. She thought of Mills again, about them talking just before the call. She knew he didn't suffer, the autopsy confirming he was dead right after the explosion, not suffering. It was still hard to imagine, hard to cope with. She felt just as hopeless as when she thought she'd lost Matt the first time, not knowing where he was or if there was something after.

Death was a constant in her mind, always wondering if there really was something on the other side. A part of her wanted to believe it, wanted to know that there was a peace instead of a void of nothing. She knew the anatomy of death, knew the brain stopped and so did the organs and there's nothing left but a shell of a person. There's no more laughter, no more life, no more hopes or dreams. There's nothing. And she was never one to go to church or pray to an all powerful being in the sky, but at that moment she did. At that moment, holding Shay as she cried, Gabby prayed for the first time in a long time. She wanted a sign that Peter was safe and happy.

She and Shay had stayed like that the entire night, both eventually falling asleep. For the first time, Gabby slept peacefully. Was it the sign she'd asked for? She wasn't sure. Going back over it, it was a sign of desperation for her to pray. She still didn't really believe in a god, how could she? Almost the entire house was hurt, Mills was dead. How could a god let it happen?

"Hey, Shay," she mumbled, pushing the woman with her elbow. She heard her groan, never been a morning person. "I gotta get to the hospital." Shay sat up and mumbled, walking to her bedroom. It took Gabby a minute to stand, but when she did, she got dressed in jeans and one of Matt's CFD hoodies.

Once she'd eaten breakfast, she'd called a taxi and waited for it outside. It was warm out, the sun shining. And it made her think of Mills again, everything seemed to. It made her think of his lightheartedness, his humour. Then it sent her back, the scorching hot days in the desert where everyone was trying not to die from the heat. Then, everything else came back. She didn't realize the taxi had gotten there until the driver honked at her a couple times. With a deep breath, she got in and told him, "Chicago Med." She hoped seeing Matt would help with everything.

The taxi pulled up, and she paid the driver before getting out and walking in. It took her a minute to remember where Matt's room was, but it came back to her. She made her way upstairs and down the hall, walking in like nothing was wrong. The look on his face said it all, a smile.

"Hey," he said as she sat next to him on the bed. He moved over, making room for her. When she was situated, he wrapped his arm around her and she curled into him. "How're you?"

"I've been better," she admitted. He sighed and nodded, agreeing with her. She wasn't sure if she should tell him about the flashbacks or the fears or the feeling of complete loss. "The past few weeks have been hard with losing Mills, and I can't sleep. Last night was the first night I slept through without the nightmares, and I think part of that was because me and Shay fell asleep on the couch together." He stroked her hair as he listened, letting her ramble on without saying anything. She never understood how he could let her ramble so much, but it was something he'd always let her do.

"And I keep thinking back to just before the call where me and him were laughing, and talking, and now he's gone. Then, I think to the explosion which brings back almost losing you, and we lost Mills this time, and he could have been so much better, and I don't know how people can believe in a higher power when things like this happen." She stopped talking and took a breath.

"It's almost the same for me," Matt confessed. She'd never heard him talk about his recovery or the memories of Iraq. "I think of Mills and what I could have done differently. I think of what I could have done differently with a lot of things, here and over there. I think of those we lost under my command. What if I'd sent them out ten minutes later? What if I'd gone out with them? And because of losing Mills, I've started thinking of what if you and I had traded spots in that convoy? I know how you feel," he reminded her. "I know what it's like to doubt God. I wouldn't say I believe, but I need to believe in something. I was almost blown up, you saved my life, and the six months after that I was recovering from not being able to remember my own name. I was lucky, because most people who've had that type of injury never recover fully from it like I did. It was one in a million. But when you can't trust in a god, you have to trust in those you love." She knew he was right. To get through this, she had to turn to those she loved and they'd turn to her. The entire house would be coming together in the next few days, even from their hospital rooms.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: So many updates so close together. Wow. I know this chapter is very short compared to recent chapters, but I believe this needed to be this way. Short, sweet, and to the point. I hope you enjoy.

Matt came home later that day, and the both decided it would be best if he stayed at Gabby's apartment. That way, he could be close and Gabby didn't have to leave Shay. And two days later, the trio was getting ready for a funeral. It was very somber as they got ready, all in their Class A's. Gabby had worn hers once before, in Detroit when she'd lost her partner. It brought back more memories that she wanted to push down.

She sat on the couch, waiting for Matt to get ready. Shay came out, wiping her eyes. Gabby looked up at her, giving a small smile.

"I'm glad you're okay," she told Shay. "I lost my first partner in Detroit, Vivian. We were on a call related to gang violence and she was caught in the middle of a drive by." She bit her lip, nodding as she told Shay. "I wouldn't know what I'd have done if I'd lost you." Shay sat beside her, hugging her tightly. When they'd heard Matt walk in, they separated.

"Ready?" he asked. Gabby nodded and stood, pulling Shay up with her. They all walked out and down to his truck. Shay drove and Gabby sat in the middle. Neither she or Matt were cleared to drive yet, mainly from the pain killers. Gabby was pushing for being cleared for duty by next month, but they all knew Matt had a little bit longer. As did Otis, Kelly, and possibly Mouch if he could ever be cleared. None of them would be there today except for Kelly.

Shay parked behind the line of cars at the cemetery, the three getting out and preparing themselves to say goodbye to their friend. Gabby straightened out her uniform and walked over to the crowd. She stood with the other firefighters who were there - Boden, Herrmann, Cruz, Capp, Toney, and Kelly, along with those not from the house who'd known Mills. She kept a straight face the best she could, seeing his mother crying while clutching onto his sister. Shay and Casey stood on either side of her, ready to get this over with.

"Today, we kneel for his family and for our brothers and sisters that worked with him. Tomorrow, we will stand for him. His boots saw sorrow, they walked where most men fear. It took a special man to fill those boots, those of a firefighter," Chaplain Orlovsky started. "Peter Mills died protecting the people of our city, and this loss had affected all in his life." Gabby heard Ingrid start sobbing. Tears came to her eyes, but she could not break, not right now. "From his family to his brothers and sisters that put their lives on the line with him every day. But we must realize that this is not goodbye, not forever. We'll be reunited with him again when it's our time. God had plans for us all, and Peter fulfilled his quicker than most do. Losing someone so young is a tragedy, but God was ready to bring him back home. His mortal body could no longer house his soul. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

As the Chaplain finished, Ingrid walked up to her son's lowering casket and dropped a handful of dirt onto it as it descended. Each of those in the crowd that were not firefighters or paramedics followed suit. When the casket hit the bottom, Boden walked over to Ingrid with the folded flag that represented everything her son had done. She gave him a look of sadness and hatred, and Gabby understood. How could he allow this to happen, but Ingrid didn't understand that it wasn't Boden's fault. Her son chose this life, knowing the risks that came with it. But, losing your husband and son would make anybody lose faith.


	16. Chapter 16

June 2014

She had been cleared for duty, a task that seemed daunting a month ago. And she was so excited to get back to work. Matt, on the other hand, still had a little ways to go until he could go back. Because the bleeding was in the abdominal cavity, the muscles had to be cut through which had weakened them. To top it off, because he was in so much pain most of the time, the only times he worked on strengthening those muscles was in physical therapy.

Shay was excited to have her back. Since the accident, she'd talked to Kelly about everything and he'd agreed to go to AA meetings and go to a counselor for his drinking problems. Everything wasn't one-hundred percent in their corner, but it was steady enough for Shay to move back in. Just in time, too, since Kelly had a broken leg. She had to be there for him, just like she'd been there for Gabby. But Gabby didn't need that constant support anymore, and was actually very glad things were working out for her friends.

Her first day back was tough. It wasn't the same without everyone on shift. Otis hoped to be cleared around the same time as Matt. Kelly had to wait until the break healed - which could mean upwards of six months on disability. Mouch had to wait until his back healed before rehab and then if he was lucky they'd clear him.

"Gabriella, Chief Boden wants to see you in his office," Connie said from the doorway right after she'd sat down.

"Thanks Connie." She gave the woman a smile, but inside she really wanted to yell at her. Her ankle wasn't feeling the best today, and she had just sat down. However, she stood back up and made her way to Boden's office. She hadn't been in there since her first day almost a year ago, and she wasn't quite sure if this was going to be a good thing or a bad thing. He motioned for her to come in before she'd even knocked on the door.

"Shut the door," he told her, and she complied before sitting in the chair next to the couch. She looked at the Chief sitting on the couch next to her. "How're you feeling?"

"To be honest, it's been tough. My ankle is acting up today of all days, and I'm constantly worried about Matt because he has a hard time getting around still," she told him, and he nodded as he listened. "And it's weird with Mills gone. Partly because Cruz almost killed us with that breakfast, but it's never going to be the same."  
"I know how you feel. In this field, you're going to lose people, but remember that you are never alone," he reminded her. A smile spread across her face as she realized he was right. Then it faded.

"I've been having a hard time handling everything since the incident," she then confessed. "I've been going to my meetings, and thank you for telling me about them. But I can't sleep. The explosion… it brought back all those memories from the IED and from all the things I saw over there. I've told Matt, and I know he's gonna be the person who understands it the most out of this house, but I feel like I can't tell him everything I'm feeling because he's still getting better." Boden let out a sigh, leaning forward with elbows on knees.

"I want you to talk to the relief for Casey. His name is Jeff Clarke, and I feel he can help you process those feelings," he informed her. She stood and smiled, giving a thanks before walking out. She hesitated outside his office, taking in a few deep breaths, knowing Boden couldn't help her as much as she wished he could. But maybe this Jeff Clarke guy could. When she regained her composure, she made her way to his quarters - Matt's quarters.

She knocked on his door, not quite sure how to start the conversation. He was sitting at the desk, typing on his computer when he looked up at her with a half-smile. "Come on in," he said, spinning the chair to face the bed as she sat down. It was still Matt's quarters to her, and she felt like she still had some rights to it. "What's up… Dawson? Right?" She nodded.

"Boden said I should come talk to you," she started. He nodded, as if he already knew what was going on.

"About?" he asked, and she took a deep breath. How was she supposed to start this conversation? She had a feeling he suffered from PTSD, the fact Boden wanted her to talk to him about it. Maybe he had developed it after a call, maybe home life.

"I got back from Iraq back in October. And you probably know all about why you're here," she said. She didn't want to seem insensitive, and didn't want to make him feel like he wasn't wanted.

"I know. Propane explosion with the entire house inside, and you guys lost Mills," he said, obviously knowing. "Some calls will bring back those memories," he then said.

"You know how it is?" she asked, oblivious to the fact that he had served. She might have been able to tell from that Marine hair-do though. He nodded. "When I was in Iraq, I was in a convoy that hit an IED. And Lieutenant Casey had been my commanding officer over there, and we almost lost him that day, and we'd lost many others. It's just, losing Mills has gotten me trapped back there in my mind."

"I know how it feels. I joined the Marines in 2005, and was deployed in Afghanistan in 2007. My unit was supposed to be there for eighteen months, but we'd been there less than six when we'd hit a roadside bomb. I'd lost a good friend that day, and," he hesitated, pulling his left pant-leg up just enough for Gabby to see the prosthetic, "my leg. You were lucky that day, we both were. We've seen so much death, but when we get back here, we're expected to either forget it and move on or suffer."

She understood. It felt like at times she was expected to be fine or hit rock bottom, it felt like there could never be an in between. Part of it was from the stigma of PTSD. The other part was her feeling like she had to be okay for her friends and family, to show no signs of weakness, and it was eating her apart.

"I can't talk to Matt about it. We're there for each other, but we're both suffering in our own ways and I can't add to his. He's already out of the job for the next month or so, he's going crazy in that apartment, and he's dealing with losing one of his men. He doesn't remember the IED, but I do, and at the same time, I'm dealing with losing my friend," she finally said, knowing it was coming. "It's something I cannot talk to him about. Yeah, he'll listen, but how can I burden him like that?" Clarke took her hands in his and looked her in the eyes.

"It seems like it'll be a burden now, but you have to turn to someone. Whether it be me, or your partner Shay, or anybody in this house. These thoughts will eat you from the inside, and soon it'll feel like you can't turn to anyone. If you can't turn to Casey, turn to someone else until you feel you can. I know you care about him, but you also have to care about you." She knew he was right. She knew the path that would open if she didn't talk to someone, had been down it before. And she couldn't go back to that. Those months after losing Vivian had almost destroyed her, and she'd learned from it and she'd grown because of it. She had to treat this differently, because she'd learned what didn't work for her when grieving. The difference this time was that she had a family at 51, one that she could turn to, and she'd had Antonio this time around. And that was the difference. She had family.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates, but writer's block is a bitch to get past sometimes. That's why this chapter is so short, but I'll make it up to you guys in the coming chapters.

July 2014

Matt had been back at work for three shifts, and Gabby was having a hard time dealing with everything. Those few shifts had been rough on everyone, but some of the calls she'd had put her in the ground emotionally. She'd lost a kid, had a grandma have a stroke at her grand-daughter's wedding, a successful suicide of a teenager. Most of the runs they'd had were extremely emotionally draining, and she was on the brink of losing it.

Not to mention the fact that she and Matt hadn't been the same since the accident and since she'd been talking to Clarke. Was he jealous that she could go back? Or was he jealous of Clarke? Or was the guilt playing with him? She knew he blamed himself for it, but she still couldn't get to the bottom of why he was acting differently towards her.

At work, it was somewhat normal. She would be in the common room with everyone, and Matt would be in his quarters. Sometimes she would go sit on his bed and read, but most of the time there was distance between them. At home, they never talked. They'd just moved into their new apartment, after a lot of negotiating to get it since they had to put the move on hold from the accident. And the new apartment gave them their own space. They had the bedroom and two offices, and Matt had been sleeping on the pull-out couch he kept in his.

It wasn't until a week had passed and they'd only said a handful of words to each other that she decided enough was enough. She couldn't take the silence or the distance, she couldn't keep feeling like her world was falling apart again and again just as it started getting better.

"What's going on with us?" she asked Matt before he had the time to walk into his office. "What did that day change that has made us so cold and distant to one another?" He looked at her, at his feet, and back up, shaking his head.

"It wasn't that day, Gabby. It was everything that happened after it," he replied, leaning on the door rather than having his hand on the handle. "It was me feeling guilty, it was you being distant. When we needed each other, we weren't there. Now it feels like we won't be." She nodded, understanding.

"When I went back to work, it was tough because everybody was still gone and there was pretty much a new crew. I was struggling with PTSD," she finally confessed for the first time to him. "And the acting lieutenant on 81 was a vet also, had lost his leg from an IED. I was able to turn to him because it felt like I couldn't turn to you. I wanted to, but you were getting better and you had enough on your conscience. I was trying to protect you." She sat on the couch, looking up at him.

"Protect me? I needed to, Gabby. I needed someone, and you weren't there. And I wasn't there for you, but you at least had someone to turn to. Thank God for that," he said with sarcasm. She sighed before walking into the bedroom and slamming the door behind her. She knew relationships were hard, but would her getting better actually tear theirs apart?


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I burned myself out pretty quickly with rapid updates and needed a little while to take a breather, but the story is still alive. I'm not going to update as often as I would like or have in the past. Every other Saturday is the goal, and I have no plans to kill/end Gabby and Matt's story any time soon. Enjoy!

August 2014

Tensions had died down slowly to the point where Gabby and Matt were coexisting. Not interacting, not seeing each other more than necessary, but they still lived under the same roof. They had to deal with this in their own ways. Gabby didn't talk to many people at work or outside of it. It was times like this where she wished Mills was there. They always had a good conversation when things were tough. Matt, on the other hand, picked up so many extra shifts she actually wondered if he ever slept. Plus, they weren't all at 51. He was bouncing from house to house after each shift. He barely went back to the apartment anymore, and when he did, it was when Gabby wasn't home.

She wasn't sure what she was going to do at that point, feeling like there was no where to go with this. Either they worked things out or they didn't, but this avoidance couldn't continue anymore. She couldn't handle it anymore.

"Matt," she said, opening the door to his study on one of the few days he was actually home. "We need to talk." He looked up from his paperwork and nodded, motioning her to come in. She took the invitation, sitting on the couch. She glanced at him then down at her feet.

"I miss you," she admitted. "And we both made mistakes, but we can't keep doing this." He nodded as he turned to face her. "Either we fix us, or we're done." She hated giving him an ultimatum, it wasn't something they'd ever done before, but she knew she had to.

"Do you remember right after we lost Jimmy Cooper about two months into our tour? This is a repeat of that. You turned to someone else, and I turned to my leading. Exactly the same. How did we get through that?" he asked. She knew exactly what he was talking about, and she didn't know the answer. She just remembered things falling back into place.

"I don't know," she told him. "We just found a good middle-ground I guess. So, let's do that again." He nodded and took her hands in his.

"So, here's what we should do," he told her with a big sigh. "Sleep in the same room, don't distance ourselves, talk about our days together, and eat together. We don't have to do everything, like you can go out with Shay or whoever, and I can do the same. When we need space, we'll tell each other instead of pulling away." She nodded with a smile before kissing him gently.

"Want me to order dinner?" she asked him. "What sounds good?" He looked at her still smiling.

"Thai sounds good to me." She nodded, and stood. When she got to the doorway, she turned back. He'd already turned away from her and back to his paperwork. She hoped this plan would work, hoped things would get back to normal. Gabby was ready for things to be back to normal.

The next day, Gabby woke up curled into Matt. A smile spread across her face as she stayed, unmoving to savor this moment. For the first time in almost two months, they were in the same bed. They were curled into each other, and it felt like home.

She stood, getting ready for work a little early so he could sleep a little longer. When she was finished was when he finally got up. He looked panicked at first, since Gabby was already done getting ready, but when he looked at the time he sighed and she chuckled. She waited for him to get ready, making sure their bags were all set for the upcoming shift.

"Let's go," he told her. She'd been sitting on the couch and had zoned out for most of the time. He smiled as she stood up, and they walked out together. When they got to station, Shay looked at them with a smile. They put their bags in the lockers and went to sit out at the common room table.

"Things better, I assume," Kelly said to them. They looked at each other, then back to him with smiles on their faces.

"It's starting to. That's what matters." After she answered, the tones dropped.

"Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25. Structure fire, Pershing and Central." Everyone got themselves ready as they went to their vehicles. Gabby looked at Shay when they got into the ambulance with a smile.

"We have a plan to help smooth things out. Neither of us are ready to give up," she told Shay. "And I gave the ultimatum, and he still chose me. Most of the plan was him anyway, so…" Shay took Gabby's hand in her own with a smile.

"Good," she replied. Shay parked the ambulance behind 81, and the two paramedics got out and prepared for those who were pouring out of the building. It looked to be an apartment building - the worst of them all in her opinion. There were so many places people could be and too many rooms for them to search. This apartment building was four stories, five apartments per floor. A minimum of twenty residents, but most likely more.

"Casey, you guys take the top two, we'll take the bottom two," Severide told Matt.

"Got it. Herrmann, you're with me. Cruz and Mouch, take the third floor." They all masked up, and Gabby started the waiting game. She kept busy with treating those who had managed to get out in time. She kept her mind off Casey in that building, and that was the best she could do. It didn't stop the anxiety, the turning of head every time someone came out. But preoccupying herself dulled those reactions.

They'd called other ambulances to transport victims, two already come and others still on their way when Chief radioed for them to pull out. What seemed like hours had been less than ten minutes - those two ambulances having already been in the area when the fire had started. She stared at the building, waited for him to come out. She saw Severide and his men come out, saw Cruz and Mouch come out. Those seconds waiting was torture for her, and what happened next was even worse. Herrmann's voice over the radio with the sound of a PASS alarm in the distance and over the radio.

"Chief," he coughed. "We're trapped in the back southwest corner of the first floor. Floor fell through, I don't have a visual on Casey." Boden signalled for Squad to go in and retrieve them, and Gabby grabbed the cot and backboard, running up closer to the doors to help whoever came out injured. She knew it was Casey, it wouldn't have been Herrmann's PASS if he was talking.

She waited, Shay next to her with hand on her shoulder as the silhouettes of the men became visible in the doorway. One body was being carried by arms and legs, the other slouched with the aid of two others, but walking. They exited and laid the unmoving body on the cot. Shay peeled the jacket off and Severide pulled the helmet and breathing aparatus off to show Casey's bloody face.

Two months ago he was almost dead and here he was again. It was too soon for her. Things were just getting back on track. He had just gotten back to work. She didn't understand how they'd gotten dealt these cards for a second time. It was as if fate had decided their struggles weren't real enough anymore.

She took vitals, she got the heart monitor on, and Shay had gotten the oxygen going all before they got back to the ambulance. She loaded him into the ambulance, Severide getting in the back with her and Shay driving. She went through it in her mind. He'd fallen three stories in blazing heat and almost definitely had a head injury.

She went through the Glascow-Coma scale. He was posturing, grunting, and not opening his eyes. It didn't look good at all. She didn't think things could get worse until he started seizing. It was terrifying for her. She looked at Severide, tears in her eyes and she could tell he wasn't holding it together very well.

"Not now, not like this," she practically begged, trying to get an IV in with no luck. While trying to get everything else accounted for, an IV never crossed her mind and now it was the one thing that could help in that situation. If things went bad, she knew it would have been her fault.


	19. Chapter 19

She didn't know how long they'd been sitting in the waiting room, or how Matt was doing. The last thing they'd heard was that he was being taken in for a CT scan. She wasn't one who could sit in this situation, and she was sure she'd made fifty laps around the waiting room before Kendra came out to speak to them.

"We got his seizure activity controlled for now. His CT shows a subdural hematoma, which is very serious at this point especially given the seizures. Right now, he's going in for emergency surgery to relieve the pressure." Her hand covered her mouth, fighting tears back. This could change everything, this could end everything, and she wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready to lose him. She didn't understand why life couldn't just go her way for once, to stop throwing her the curveball.

"Gabby, you need to sit down," Herrmann said, supporting most of Gabby's body weight. She hadn't realized her knees had started to buckle or that tears had started to cascade down her cheeks. And she did as he said, sat right there in the middle of the hallway on the linoleum. Herrmann knelt with her, wrapping her in his arms as she struggled to breathe through the sobs. An overreaction? No. They all knew there was a good possibility that Matt wouldn't come out of this, or if he did, he'd be a changed man forever.

Once she had composed herself enough, Herrmann had helped her stand and move over to an actual seat. After that, it was just more waiting, more worrying. Every once in awhile, somebody would stand and walk away, only to come back a few minutes later with food or a drink. Eventually, Cindy showed up with refreshments for everybody.

"I figured you guys hadn't eaten yet, so I brought sandwiches," she said, walking around the room, letting each person grab one out of the tupperware container. But Gabby couldn't bring herself to eat. She knew that if she did, her anxiety would make it end up on the floor within minutes. As everyone ate, Cindy sat with Herrmann, holding his hand and being his rock. It made her think of what she and Matt should be.

"Hey, guys," Kendra said, walking up to the group. She looked at the clock. They'd been waiting sixteen hours for news of any kind, nobody complaining. Nobody saying they should go home. "He's out of surgery, which we're hoping was a success?"

"Hoping. What… What does that mean?" Boden asked her. Most of the team had stood, waiting for news. Gabby had stayed sitting, knowing that if it was bad it was better to lose it while sitting rather than standing.

"Intracranial pressure is at a normal level, which means they successfully drained the blood. However, this is where things get complicated. Since this was a head injury, there is going to be brain swelling that can't be controlled by draining since it's the brain itself that will swell. If it get's too bad, they'll remove a piece of his skull, but right now we wait. He won't be awake for a while, but they're hopeful he'll regain full neurological function," she finished, waiting for any questions since somebody usually had some.

"When can we see him?" Gabby finally asked, voice broken a strained. She stayed curled up in the chair, looking at Kendra - only at Kendra. Gabby's hands shook, biting her bottom lip.

"Right now, he's being closely monitored and is at a high risk for an infection, so we can't let anybody except family in. In a few days, he might be stable enough for a couple visitors." She nodded, stayed sitting. "I'll make sure you guys find out if there's any change."

"Alright guys, let's get back to the station and get the gear off. Then, go home and get rest. We all need it," Boden told them. She knew they had to get the rigs back, but she couldn't get her body to move. She didn't want to move. Shay knelt in front of her.

"Give me the radio, and you can stay here. I'll bring you some clothes in a little while." Gabby handed the radio over to her partner, eyes locked on the wall behind Shay. Everyone walked away, a few glancing back at her before turning the corner. Once they were gone, she looked back up to Kendra.

"Is there any way I can see him?" she asked, voice shaking this time. Kendra nodded, motioning for her to stand.

"I can't let you into his room, but there's a window. You can't sit outside his room, however, you can sit in the waiting room for his wing." A smile smile played across her face, but not enough to make her happy. Just enough to know all hope wasn't lost. As they walked down the corridor, she tried bracing herself for what she was going to see. The irrational part of her hoped he'd look normal, that there wouldn't be wires and tubes. But the rational part knew better, but couldn't fully brace her for the sight. Kendra stopped outside a room, Gabby taking a few deep breaths before she looked through the large window.

When she did, her breath caught in her throat. One hand covered her mouth in shock, the other gripping the windowsill for support. He had cuts and bruises across his face, but with a peaceful look. His chest was rising and falling methodically accompanied by the sounds of the air being pushed and pulled from his lungs, the tube secured to his face. Another tube was coming out of nose, secured across his right cheekbone with a piece of tape, which was hooked up to a bolus bag full of nutrients. An IV was in one of his arms, his head wrapped in gauze. Through the gauze, she could see the external ventricular drain - the tube coming out of the gauze that helped drain any fluid build up around his brain. She heard the methodic beeping of the heart rate monitor.

"The next twenty-four hours are the most critical," Kendra reminded her. "After that, things should get better." She took a few deep breaths, closed her eyes.

"You take care of him," she said, demanding. The other woman put a hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye.

"I promise, we will do everything we can to make sure he pulls through." The doctor seemed to be the only person who would tell things the way they were, no sugar coating it and no lies. "He's strong," she then reminded Gabby. With a sigh, she nodded, knowing Kendra was right.


	20. Chapter 20

Shay had come back, as promised, with a pair of sweats and one of Matt's t-shirts from their apartment. After she changed out of her uniform, Shay sat with her and let her talk and vent about anything and everything from her hopes and dreams of her life with Matt to the fear that was engulfing her - the fear of losing him. She tried to explain how he looked to her friend, tried to make her understand. There was no doubt in her mind that Shay understood, but she felt like actually seeing Matt had made her more aware of the situation.

When nightfall came, her friend tried to convince her to sleep. The long and taxing day had worn her out, but she was afraid that he'd be gone when she woke up. She felt like if she slept, she wouldn't know what happened to him and she'd regress back into the person she was in Iraq. She knew that if she lost him, she'd pick up more shifts. She'd wear herself out, work herself almost to death again. She'd take unnecessary risks, putting those around her in danger again. If she slept, she was afraid he'd die. So, Shay had gotten some blankets from the nurses' station to make them comfortable and sat awake with her all night until Boden showed up the next day.

"I'm going to grab us some breakfast," her friend said, standing and stretching after being cramped up in the same position all night. She saw Shay and Boden share a look of concern before the woman walked away, leaving her and her boss. They both stayed silent for a few moments longer before he finally spoke.

"I know you're worried," he told her. "We all are. Just remember, we're all here for you and Matt right now. But remember, you have to take care of you." She nodded, knowing Boden was right. Her eyelids felt heavy, half closed at this point. She knew no news was good news, and with Boden next to her, she fell asleep for the first time - knowing he'd wake her up if there was any change. Which there wasn't.

By the time she woke up again, it was Kelly sitting with her. The sky had gone dark, the lights of the city visible through the window at the end of the hallway. She stretched out her arms, then her legs. The first thing she wanted was to see Matt again, and since the twenty-four hours had passed, she hoped to get to hold his hand.

"You hear anything?" she asked Kelly. Her friend looked at her and shook his head. He had dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept much either. She knew he was just as worried as her. She finally stood, legs shaking from sitting so long, and walked to the nurse's station.

"I was wondering if I could find out how Matthew Casey is?" she asked, leaning against the desk. The woman looked at her and then back down to the computer, typing quickly. Gabby took a few deep breaths before the woman looked back up.

"There's been no change since yesterday." She nodded, pushing herself off the desk and turning away. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks and turned back.

"Can I see him?" she then asked, voice quiet and soft yet hopeful. The nurse looked at the computer once again - Gabby could only assume Matt's chart - and then back up to her.

"Only family, but Kendra did leave a note that a…" she read the name, "Gabriella Dawson can view through the window. I assume that's you." When Gabby nodded in agreement, the nurse stood and escorted her to his room.

She looked in at him, not much changing between yesterday and now. His IV bag was full and so was the bolus bag, but nothing else had changed. His eyes were still closed, a tube still coming out of his head, still in the same position. But she knew the first twenty-four hours had passed, that things should start to look up soon, and - hopefully - he'd wake up soon.

She stayed there for a few more minutes before making her way back to Kelly and the purgatory of a waiting room. He looked up at her, his eyes telling her he needed to know how his friend was.

"No change," escaped her lips like a secret, and his head dropped. She understood the feeling, the need to know that things were better or had at least started to look up. She understood his heart sinking into his stomach, the defeated feeling when he found out that it hadn't. She understood better than anybody else the pain of waiting, the pain of not knowing.

What seemed like an eternity later, she finally found it in her soul to go home, to take a shower, eat, and sleep in her… in their bed. She knew her forty-eight off was half done, and that she couldn't miss work just because Matt was hurt. She knew that she needed to get back into a routine, but the fear that she'd lose him was still there.

Shay had given her a ride home from the hospital, the ride silent. Before she left, Kendra had made a promise to call her if there was any change in Matt's condition, a promise that Gabby hoped she would keep. Their apartment was eerily silent. She knew that the Hawks game should be playing on the TV, that Kelly and Matt should be drinking beers while rooting for their team.

"I can stay over," Shay offered when Gabby hesitated at the doorway. She shook her head, knowing Shay being there wouldn't change things. Despite this knowledge, she wished it would change things. She wished there was a way to go back, to convince Matt they should stay home from work that day, to call in sick. He wouldn't have gone for it, never had before, but she'd try her hardest to convince him.

The what-ifs plagued her mind the entire night as she tossed and turned in bed, sleep not coming easily. The need for Matt to be there was strong as her mind raced, and she didn't know what to do. For once, she admitted weakness and turned to the one person who'd be there no matter what.

"Can you come over?" she asked the person on the other end of the call.

"I'll be there in ten," her brother answered, hanging up after his agreement. The hopeful feeling she finally felt made her think things would be okay finally. Her brother always made things a little more bearable, had always been her rock in the sea of life.


	21. Chapter 21

September 2014

It had been three weeks since Matt's accident, three weeks worth of hospital visits and sleepless nights. Three weeks of waiting for some kind of change in his condition, of waiting for him to wake up. The toll it had taken on her was more than the others understood or even knew. From the exhaustion of minimal sleep to the constant worry she felt. Every time her phone rang, she didn't know what to expect. Was it going to be Kendra this time? Would she give good or bad news?

For those weeks, she'd fallen into a routine. She'd work the days she had to, checking in on Matt when they ended up at Chicago Med. After shift, she'd go home for a few hours, then go to the hospital to visit for a few, then go back home. It wasn't ideal, but it worked for the time being.

However, on this day, things went a little different than planned. Towards the end of their shift, Gabby had gotten a call from Chicago Med. This - due to Casey's constantly never-changing condition - wasn't expected, but always dreaded. She stared at the phone in her hand up until the last ring before she hastily answered.

"This is Gabriella Dawson," she quickly said, hoping she hadn't missed the call entirely. When she heard a voice on the other end, she was relieved. She kept a straight face, ready to know what was going on.

"There's been a change in Matt's condition," Kendra told her. She didn't listen long enough to know whether it was good or bad, the phone dropping to the ground and her standing up so fast she got lightheaded. Everyone in the common room turned to look at her, faces confused. Rather than explaining, she grabbed Shay's hand and walked to the ambulance, getting in. She hoped Shay would understand, and it seemed like her partner did.

The ride to Chicago Med was quiet, the only sound being radio chatter. Gabby tried to convince herself his condition improved, but all she could focus on was the possibility of things going south. Her breaths were jagged, shallow, feeling like she was underwater. The thoughts raced through her head, and suddenly she was back in Iraq. She was back to turning herself into a war machine to cope with what she considered Matt's death. She was back to the heat and the sweating, the sleepless nights and the long days. The gunfire deafened her, not just with sound but emotionally too. She saw bodies lying on the ground, people dying. She saw a girl crying looking on as her family was slaughtered. A dog eating the corpse of her brother.

"Gabby," Shay's voice breaking through the memories. When she finally came to, the collar of her shirt was soaked with sweat, her fingers and lips tingling. She turned to look at her friend, eyes wide and dead inside. No sparkle, no life. "Are you sure you want to go in? I can call Kendra, see what's going on." She shook her head, unbuckling and getting out of the car. When her feet touched pavement instead of sand, she knew she was in Chicago. She knew her memories were just that, memories. But that didn't make them any less real or destructive.

She walked around to the driver's side, taking Shay's hand in hers to help ground her and keep her in the now and not the past. As they walked into the building, her mind went from thoughts a mile-a-minute to just one. One name. One thought. One fear. Matt. She steadied herself in the elevator once more as they went up to the third floor. When the door opened, she couldn't find it in herself to exit, couldn't find the will to move. The thought of losing him, it drained her. Now, she knew there was a better chance of it being good news. She knew they'd just been waiting for him to wake up, almost out of the woods. Almost.

"Come on Gabby," Shay urged. She nodded, walking out of the small space into a wide open waiting room. Rather than sitting where she had for weeks, they walked straight to the nurse's desk where a doctor they didn't recognize stood. The nurse motioned towards the two, and the man turned.

"Is one of you Gabriella Dawson?" the man said. Gabby looked up and nodded at him, not saying anything. "Matt's been asking for you." The smile that formed quivered slightly as she heard that sentence. He was awake, he was okay. That's all that mattered to her in that moment. The nurse he was talking to led them to Matt's room where he was sitting up, eyes open. She hesitated when the nurse put a hand on her shoulder.

"You might have a hard time understanding him," the woman said softly. "It's not uncommon for him to have some trouble talking right now - which should get better with time. He also may not remember things around the time of the accident, and he might not remember things that happened a while ago. Memories may not form for a few days or weeks now that he's awake, but it's something we'll monitor throughout his recovery." Gabby nodded and walked inside, smile on her face and tears in her eyes. Shay stood outside, letting them have a minute. She could only assume her friend was also letting everybody know Matt was awake.

"Hey," she said softly, sitting in the chair next to him and taking his hand in hers. He looked at her with a smile on his face, and it reminded her of when they first met. Back then, he had smiled and shook her hand. This time, he smiled and kissed it. "How're you feeling?"

"P'ty good," he told her. "Tied." She nodded, understanding fully.

"You scared me, scared us all," she then told him. "Don't scare me like that again." His smile faded and a look of confusion flashed across his face, as if he didn't know he'd lost three weeks of his life. Her heart sank, the nurse's words echoing in her head. If he might not remember events around the time of the accident, could that mean he didn't remember it at all? How much time had he lost? "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Thai food." She knew what he was talking about. The night they made up and started to work things out, they'd ordered thai before going going to bed. He remembered nothing from the day of the accident. With that knowledge, she had a little better understanding.

"Well, when you get out of here, we'll get some Thai again. Get some rest." He nodded slightly, resting his head back on the pillows and closing his eyes. She knew he had been in this spot before, but not with her. She may not have liked Hallie all that much, but she had a little bit more of an understanding of why she did what she did. Now that she knew Matt didn't remember the accident, she didn't want him to. Gabby wanted to protect him from that knowledge, from that pain. But that's where she and Hallie differed. Gabby may want to protect him from it, but she wasn't going to lie to him. She wasn't going to keep a part of his life from him.

A/N: It's good to be back. Thank you for the support with the past few chapters. Writer's block is hell sometimes. I hope you all enjoyed it.


	22. Chapter 22

October 2014

In terms of progress, Made had made leaps and bounds. He was walking again, eating on his own, forming new memories. This made everybody excited to have him back, although they knew the process of getting cleared for duty was a tedious one. Almost all of them had gone through the process, some more times than others. They knew of the hoops he was going to have to jump through, but everybody knew that if somebody could do it easily, it was Casey.

Being home was a little bit of a different story than his physical recovery. Ever since waking after the accident, his lapse in memory had shown to be more than originally thought. He didn't remember the day of the accident, he couldn't remember phone numbers or addresses he'd memorized years ago. Sometimes, he couldn't find the word he was looking for. Instead of grocery store, he'd say 'the place where you go to buy food.' Doctor Charles, the psychiatrist at Chicago Med had talked to both Matt and Gabby about it, explaining the reasoning behind the memory loss and that he may never fully regain it. It wasn't just the memories he was having a problem with, it was the emotions. Some days he'd be Matt, being normal. And others, his mood swings would scare Gabby. His confusion and anger and sadness all combusting at once for little to no reason.

At first, she was scared to leave him home alone when she went to work. The thought of him getting hurt again was terrifying, and it could easily happen when she wasn't home. A few times, he'd put a pizza in the oven and forgotten about, filling the room with smoke from the burning food. Or, he'd forget to eat entirely, not registering that he was hungry. However, their family at the firehouse helped them figure it all out. When she was on shift, Cindy would come over or Gabby would drop him off at the Herrmann household until she got off shift. He had told her time and time again that he didn't want to be a burden to the mother, but both Herrmann and Cindy had assured him many times that it was no problem.

After a few weeks had passed, and his short-term memory got better, he had started staying at home by himself when she was at work. Those first few shifts had worried her, but things had gone smoothly and without a hitch. She was just glad to be able to come home to Matt again.

"You excited for you appointment tomorrow?" she asked, curled into him as they sat on the couch. The movie quickly forgotten as they enjoyed eachother's company. His clearance hearing was the next day, and everyone was waiting with anticipation of the ruling.

"Nervous is more like it," he admitted. "Three weeks of my life is gone, and two more I have to be reminded of." She looked at him, the look in his eyes painting a different story than what he told. Her hand caressed his cheek, gently turning his head to look at her.

"It's going to go fine," her words assuring. He nodded, and she knew he believed her. He always had, and she hoped he always would. He had been the one who had reassured her throughout everything they'd been through, telling her everything would be fine. And, for the most part, it had been.

The next day, he'd come and visited her at the firehouse after his appointment. His face looked somber, downcast. She ushered him into the briefing room, waiting with baited breath for news from his doctor's appointment. He leaned against one of the tables, taking her hands in his. She prepared herself for the worst case scenario, waiting for him to tell her he wasn't going to be cleared for duty or that there was something else wrong, or that he wasn't ever going to be fully better. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"I." He hesitated, and she looked at him, expecting tears or anger, instead, it was a smirk. "I got cleared." She punched his shoulder lightly, a mixture of being pissed off and happiness. They both laughed as he leaned down and kissed her.

"You should go tell Boden," she finally said, foreheads pressed together. He nodded as he opened his eyes. She remembered the first time she saw his eyes, saw how blue they were in contrast to the sand around them. They both stood upright, and he kissed her one more time before heading to Boden's office. She watched as he left. The scar was still visible through the patch of hair barely growing again.

It took a few minutes to compose herself before walking back into the common room. Everybody turned to look at her, but she kept her head down. It wasn't her news to tell even though she knew everybody was dying to know. She sat in her spot at the table and turned back to the book she had been reading. It was only a matter of time before Matt and Boden came out and announced the news.

But, when fifteen minutes passed and neither were to be seen, she started becoming anxious. Was Boden questioning whether he was good to come back or not? Had Matt not told her something? The thoughts racing in her head eventually made it to where she couldn't concentrate on the book, or the TV or the conversations around her. She sat staring at the door waiting for them to come through.

Shay glanced her way before turning back to Severide and continuing the conversation they'd already started. Ten more minutes had passed before Matt and Boden walked into the common room with smiles on their faces.

"Everybody, listen up," Boden said to the group, voice booming. "I am glad to announce that starting next shift, Casey will be back with us on Truck 81." Most of the whooped and hollered in excitement for the news. "However, Jeff Clarke will continue to be acting lieutenant for a few more shifts." There it was, the news Matt had kept from her.

"Why?" Kelly asked. "If Matt's back, shouldn't that mean he should get his position back?" Gabby nodded in agreement, looking at the two men standing before them.

"It's not the department's decision, or my doctor's," Matt responded. "Most of you don't know half of what I went through during my recovery. But, I am fully cleared. However, I feel like I need to ease myself back in rather than diving. I know I'm ready to be back as a firefighter, but I'm not quite ready to be a leader again." Gabby sighed, knowing they were going to have to talk about this when they got back home after shift.

"You know what," Herrmann said, standing and walking over to Matt. "That's exactly what a leader would do. It's good to have you back." The older man embraced Matt in a hug and then a pat on the back. Before everybody was able to congratulate their friend, the tones sounded.

"Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Squad 3, Battalion 25. Single car accident. 225 South Hoyne Ave." Gabby stood, giving Matt a quick kiss on the cheek before following everybody else to the apparatus floor and into their vehicles. Shay glanced over occasionally on the drive, and Gabby knew her friend had a million questions.

"Did you know about that bombshell?" Shay asked. The only answer Gabby could think of was that she apparently didn't know Matt as well as she'd thought she had. Over the past month, secrets weren't kept between them. They both knew that a secret could make things worse, so they were always straightforward with each other. When he asked if she was scared, she'd always answer yes. When she asked him if he was in pain, or if he could remember her name, he'd always answer truthfully. No matter how many times she'd told him her name, or his own. But now, she questioned all those answers. She knew she didn't have much of a reason to. His decisions were his, and if he felt he wasn't one-hundred percent, she knew he'd do what he could to make sure everybody else was taken care of.


	23. Chapter 23

November 2014

Thanksgiving was a holiday that Gabby did not celebrate no matter how many times Antonio had hounded her that it was the perfect time to thank him for everything he'd done for her, usually dripping with sarcasm and a smile. It was a time of year she didn't like in general. She had very few fond memories around the holidays. Instead, she remembered the homeless shelter with Antonio where they were fed when their father was drinking away his life. She remembered the year their mother came back into the picture for a few short hours until they found her high as a kite in the bathroom. She remembered soldiers reading letters from their families, holding onto pictures and memories.

"Hey babe," Matt called from the bedroom as he got ready. Gabby was already done, just finishing up some last minute things before they left. "Are you sure about this?" She knew this wasn't his ideal Thanksgiving. Herrmann was hosting a feast for those who didn't have a place to go for the holiday, but Gabby had an idea to help and try to get Matt to understand where she was coming from when she said no to the invitation.

It didn't take long to get to their destination. Matt parked the car in the parking lot, only a few cars scattered across the lot. There was a line out the door and memories came flooding back. These people were dressed in rags. Some were ripped, some somewhat new, but all were dirty like they hadn't been washed in days. She felt Matt's hand on her shoulder, steadying her. It wasn't the easiest thing to remember for her. Antonio and her were usually a couple of the many kids there, kids who would go without food except for at school. Breaks were the hardest, and places like this were the only place they could turn to.

Gabby took Matt's hand and slowly walked in, being greeted at the door and led to the kitchen where the other volunteers were making final preparations. They still had a few minutes until serving started.

"Why?" he asked her quietly. "We could be at Herrmann's, so why here?" She took a deep breath. She'd told him all about her family before, but never this part of her life. A part of her felt like if she did, then he would pity her rather than lovee her.

"This is where Antonio and I would come for the holidays. Not here exactly, but homeless shelters fed us and gave us clothes when our father wouldn't." He nodded, and kissed her softly. For once, she knew he understood. And for once, she felt like there wasn't any pity but rather unconditional love despite the hardships.

They spent two hours serving food, and another spent talking to those they were helping. She knew Matt had never been to a place like this, gotten up close and personal with these kinds of people, but she had. She talked to them, told them they could make a life for themselves like she had. The sky was the limit when you'd hit rock bottom.

As the night drew on, they'd found each other again in the crowd. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in and kissing her temple. "Let's go home," she said with a smile. He nodded, escorting her out of the building and to the truck.

"Thank you, Gabby," he told her once they'd gotten in the truck. She looked at him, slightly confused. There was no reason to thank her. "I knew there were people who didn't have places to go for the holidays, but I never gave it much thought until now. I suggest that we do this every year. At least the ones we don't work." Words couldn't describe how she felt about that. Instead, she just kissed him, glad to have somebody who started to really understand.


End file.
